Do You Mind? Week 5

Tim Rivers | June 2, 2024

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You glad to be in the house of the Lord? Can you one more time give Jesus some praise in this place? Oh, come on. Somebody give him praise like he's done something for you in your life. Come on, somebody. Give him praise in this place. Y'all going to make me go old school again? I know I'm supposed to be sitting, but where the presence of the Lord is there is freedom and somebody say, amen. I'm glad y'all are here. If you're a guest with us, we want to say Welcome to Embassy City Church. We're so delighted that you're here and we pray that whatever you need from the Lord, you will receive before you leave this place, before you log off whatever you need from the Lord, I pray that you will receive. Now, before I get into this message, I have to give you another invitation to our worship night. Tonight. Somebody say 6:00 PM 6:00 PM It's going down. Can we actually give our worship team a big hand?

Sarah Bebo and this amazing team, they do such a wonderful job. Every week they get here at like 6:00 AM while most of us are rubbing eye burgers out, they're up here practicing, getting ready, praying, all that, and so thank you, thank you, thank you. All those that are in the worship team on the band, thank you so much for what you do and hey, we're going to take time out tonight. There's not going to be any kind of preaching. It's just going to be a time of worship. So bring your worship shoes or if you're like the barefoot kind, wash your feet, but come ready to worship and somebody say amen. Alright, grab a Bible. Turn with me to two Timothy chapter three, the book of two Timothy chapter three. While you're turning there, this is the fifth week of our series that we're calling. Do you mind? Has this helped anybody sweet? As a pastor, our job is to be obedient to what the Lord is showing us and leading us to do, and I do my best to do that, but sometimes you want some feedback like, is this helping anybody? And I'm glad to hear that it is. I also want to say this, as we've gone through some of the topics, they can be triggering.

For some of us, it can bring up some stuff. It can add identification to things that we've maybe mislabeled and that can be jarring. It can cause kind of a how do I deal with that? Now, my prayer for you is that you would treat this place, this environment, this sermon series as a light that the Holy Spirit is using to bring some things to the surface so that you can holistically be healed and spirit, soul and body. There are some people, your back's been hurting physically

Because you've held all this tension emotionally, and I pray that in this series God will heal you emotionally and by proxy you get healed physically. You thought your vertebraes was off. Now your mind was somewhere else and the Lord is correcting that and somebody say, amen. So lean into the Holy Spirit. Lean into what God is showing you. When the Lord highlights that, several things you can do. One is you go to counseling, find you someone who is a believer, who believes in the word of God, who knows how to mix theology and therapy together. Or you can find a trusted friend that walks with the Lord that maybe has gone through what you're going through right now. Make sure it's somebody trusted. Don't just find anybody out here that said they got a life coach certification. Make sure you know them, know them. That labor among you, that's what the scripture says. Amen. But make sure that you are processing it. There's a temptation that when it's highlighted, we try to stick it back down into the bag. No, if the Lord's bringing it up, let's give it to him and release it. Amen. Alright, if you have your Bibles, let's go to second Timothy chapter three, verse number one, Paul speaking. This is what he says, but understand this that in the last days, that will come times of difficulty. Isn't that encouraging

For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unpassable, slanderous without self-control, brutal, not loving, good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit. Well, that brings a whole new meaning to you. Look, swo lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God having the appearance of godliness but denying its power, check this out. Avoid such people, don't even fool with them. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth just as Janice and jamee opposed Moses. So these men also opposed the truth. Men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. Do you mind? But they will not get very far. Ooh, I like that. For their folly will be plain to awe as was that of those two men and everybody say amen. Amen. Have you ever gone to eat with somebody expecting there to be great dialogue and conversation? You anticipated that this was going to be a great coffee, a great lunch, and then you quickly found out after just a few minutes, this is all about them.

They know how to take everything you say and spin it to make it about them. You can tell 'em, I just got a black lab, and they're going to say, yeah, well, I just got a chocolate lab. Well, I didn't know you had dogs. Well, in my mind I got it. They always just want to talk about themselves, right? We're going to be talking about those individuals. So my title for today is I want to talk about me.

Anybody met individuals that live in that world? I just want to talk about me, but we're going to deal with it. We're going to talk about it. All right? Heavenly Father, we thank you so much for allowing us to be in your presence. I pray that you would give us ears to hear heart, to receive in a mind, to understand what your word would say to us. Help us to walk out of here different than the way we walked in. We give you a name, the praise, the glory, and the honor because you're worthy of it in Jesus' name and everybody say amen. Amen. Let me ask you this. How many have ever taken a personality test? Oh, come ma'am. Loud and proud. Lemme see your hands. You've taken a personality, Enneagram Meyer Briggs, disc strength finders, whatever else is out there. Isn't it interesting that we are interested in knowing more about ourselves? The reason why we generally take a personality test is because we want to find out more about ourselves, but we also want to know more about how others perceive us, and so we end up taking personality tests to see if we can know more about ourselves. Now, have you ever taken a personality test and disagreed with the results?

The first time I took Myers Briggs, it labeled me as a debater her. Now I completely disagreed with it, so much so that I told Janice, man, this thing is wrong. I'm not a debater. I'm taking it again. Janice said, you just proved that this thing is accurate, and I did take it again. You know what it said? I'm a debater. What's interesting is when we take these personality tests, it does. I'm not saying they're all wrong because they do show you something based on how you answer the questions, but it becomes really sticky when you start labeling yourself based on a computerized algorithm. It gets a little sticky when you start taking on the identity of a computer program and you start living your life based on what Enneagram is telling you and not what God is telling you.

And I know there are people in here that you're like, I don't know how to take that as a four, but how many people make life decisions based on Zodiac signs? Well, I'm a Libra, I'm a Capricorn, I'm a Taurus, I'm a tyrannosaurus Rex, and God brings you. Somebody are single. You're looking for that right person. God brings you somebody who has a job. He don't live with his mom. He's upstanding. He's got integrity, he's got character, but you're a Sagittarius, so how many people make life decisions and are still single because the Zodiac sign don't match and you don't even know how to spell Zodiac, right? There are so many people who will start living their lives based on an algorithm or some kind of personality test or something that they took online and they'll base their whole world around. This really describes me. The problem is when you start expecting others to treat you the way you expect to be treated based on what a program is telling you, we stop hearing truth. Hey, you should apologize Well as an eight. It's really hard for me to accept the fact that I'm wrong,

But you're a three wing two and so right. Here's the thing. If you find your significance in things that are not from the word of God, you'll be led astray. You've got to match what God says about you with everything else that you hear about you, because if you start believing the tale that somehow God made a mistake when he made you, oh God, you'll make decisions that will actually hinder your growth and not gain growth. Here's the thing, some people will be at jobs and say stuff like, you know what? As an ENTJ, I'm a leader. I expect to be the manager. Why aren't they making me the manager? Maybe it has nothing to do with the personality test. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you don't show up on time. Well, well, I don't know if I'm compatible with this person. Maybe you just need to work on some things on yourself. Maybe you need to go through this series that we're teaching because maybe God's highlighting some things. The danger in attaching your identity to your personality test and assessments is it becomes self-absorbed. Now you start looking at yourself and you start focusing on who you are and what other people are saying about you, and you become more inward focused than you become outward focused, and next thing you know, you find yourself navel gazing

Because now the world revolves around you. Anybody know someone like that? Somebody all are nervous. You're sitting right next to 'em. Well, psychologists call this narcissism.

Now, we like to talk about the word narcissism in our culture today, but let's talk about it and let's see what the Bible has to say about narcissism. Again, this series, what we're doing is we're looking at theology and therapy. We're going to look at what the therapeutic community is saying about narcissism and what the word of God, because guess what? The word of God does have something to say about narcissistic behavior, so let's talk about it. Let's first of all define what narcissism is. Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others. What's interesting about narcissism, there's really, there are two ends of the spectrum. On one end of the spectrum, you have narcissists that are psychopaths that they don't even know they're narcissists and they are diagnosed according to DSM as having narcissistic behavior and it's a disorder. On the other end of the spectrum, we have individuals that may not be diagnosed, but they have narcissistic tendencies and behaviors. Now, there are two types of narcissists. Well, there are many different types, but two main types that most of us have interacted with. First, there's the overt narcissist. We can call this a grandiose narcissist, and these are individuals that love the bright lights. They love to stand on stages, they love to make the world all about themselves, and they want everyone to know just how great they are.

A lot of preachers can end up being narcissists because they make it about themselves and not the word of God. I've literally heard this statement before from preachers. When someone gets up and says, I don't care what the word of God says, I know what I heard from the Lord. That's a narc. Anytime you start elevating your own opinion and it's wrong, you're an overt narcissist, but then there's also the covert narcissist, and this is what you can also call the vulnerable narcissism. Now, this is a lot more sneaky, but it has the same spirit behind it. A covert narcissist is one who doesn't appear loud, who doesn't want to be in the bright lights, but they will manipulate you with certain words and behaviors to get out of you what they want. They'll say stuff like this, I'm nothing, and they're saying that not because they really believe that, but because they want you to tell 'em how great they are. No one ever invites me to the barbecue because they want you to invite them to the barbecue. Now, if you don't invite 'em to the barbecue, there may be a reason because they make the barbecue about themselves. They eat all the ribs

Narcissists, I'm just kidding, that's not in one of the lists, but they have a covert narcissist. They have difficulty taking critique.

They have difficulty with you pointing anything out in their life that is actually wrong. They may be doing stuff that is wrong, and the moment that you say, Hey, this is wrong, and they cut you off, it may be a sign that they believe too much in themselves. They have a unhealthy love for themselves. Now, there is a biblical version of loving yourself, which is to follow the pattern of what biblical love is. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not boasting itself, so you can love yourself in that manner. Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, follow the biblical pattern of love, but when you love yourself to an unhealthy degree making it all about you, you may be in the line of having some narcissistic tendencies.

Now, I know you're wondering, is there anybody in my life that's a narcissist? Well, let me give you some signs of some narcissism. Number one is they have a sense of entitlement. They believe or project themselves to be superior and deserve special treatment. Now, here's what we love to do when we're talking about narcissist. Anytime we talk about narcissism, the automatic response is we look at everybody else in the room, but what I like for you to do is while we talk about this, pick up a mirror and look at your life and see if any of these apply to you never. Number two, they have manipulative behavior, controlling behavior to gain a sense of importance. They maintain a certain distance in order to manipulate you, so when you have people that won't, they have high power distance, you can't get to them, they won't shake your hand, they won't look at you, but they want you to do everything that they tell you to do from a distance. What are they hiding? They may be a narcissist. Three, they need admiration. Everyone desires to be thought of, well, let's just get that out of. Well, no one loves to hear that They're doing a terrible job. Everybody wants somebody to affirm them. We do things. We are born into this world and we have narcissistic tendencies as a child, which is normal when you're five,

But when you're 35 and you're still saying, look at me. We all desire admiration to a certain degree, but when it becomes unhealthy, when you base your entire life and worth on admiration from others, there may be a problem. Four is they lack empathy. They're unwilling or unable to empathize with the needs, wants and feelings of other people. In other words, no one matters except for themselves.

Five, they're arrogant. Arrogance is a sign of narcissism. They think of as superior to everybody. Everybody else is beneath them. Now here's what's interesting. The concept of narcissism is nothing new now, it's growing in popularity. We love to talk about it. It's all over social media, how to spot a narcissist, how to deal with a narcissist, but did you know that the word narcissism actually goes back to Greek mythology? In Greek mythology, there was a Greek mythical individual whose name was narciss, and narciss was being advanced by another mythical creature named Echo, and as echo was coming for narcissist, narcissist refused to engage with echo and echo cursed narcissist and narcissist went to a pool and he beheld his reflection and the curse on narcissist was that he beheld his reflection and fell in love with his own reflection to the point to where he withered into a flower called narcissist. Wow, that puts a whole different spin on it right Now, what's interesting is the world of psychology has been talking about narcissism for several centuries. They added to the DSM in 1980, but this ain't nothing new. Narcissism didn't just start. In fact, you know who the very first narcissist was.

Satan.

Let's look at Isaiah chapter 14, verse 12. How are you are falling from heaven? O day star, son of dawn, how you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low? You said in your heart, I will ascend to heaven above the stars of God, I will set my throne on high. I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north. I will ASC above the heights of the clouds. I will make myself like the most high. I did that. Satan is a narcissist, and because Satan is a narcissist, he tends to use a tactic of narcissism among God's creation. Think about the very first tactic that Satan used against Eve was to get Eve to stop looking at God and start looking at herself. Hey, if you eat of this fruit, you'll be as God's knowing good evil. In other words, Eve, make this about yourself.

The tactic of the enemy is to get you more focused on the image and likeness of God instead of God who made you in his image and likeness.

At the root of narcissism is pride. Pride is when we take God's is when we replace God on his throne and we start elevating our own opinion and our own image and our own likeness above the one from whom we get it from. Good Lord have mercy. Throughout scriptures, God's enemies have always been narcissistic. They've always thought more of themselves than they did about God. One of the great examples in the Bible of a true narcissist is Pharaoh. Remember, God comes to Moses and says, Hey Moses, I want you to go tell Pharaoh to let my people go. What's interesting, Moses? According to numbers chapter 12, verse three is called the most meek man on the earth. In other words, he was the most humble man on the earth. Guess who wrote numbers? Moses. Imagine writing that about yourself. Now it's because we have a misunderstanding what humility is. We generally think of humility as being subservient and talking less of yourself, and that's called false humility. If you run fast and you tell everybody you don't, that's lying. That's not humility, right? If you are wealthy and you keep telling people you're poor, stop lying or give your money away, right?

Humility, true humility is knowing who you are and staying under the authority of God.

Can I say it again? True humility is knowing who you are, who God has made you to be. If God made you a great speaker, you're a great speaker, but submit that under the authority of God. In other words, I know my gift, but I won't use it unless God tells me to. That's humility. Humility is being submitted under the will of God. So when God comes to Moses and says, Hey, Moses, I need you to go tell Pharaoh, Pharaoh, Moses goes, I don't don't think so. I don't know if I'm able to do that, and God says, do what I tell you to do. He said, yes, sir. That's humility is being submitted to authority and understanding your gifts and your weaknesses. So Moses goes to Pharaoh and says, Hey, Pharaoh, what's up, pops? I'm back. God told me to tell you to let his people go. Pharaoh says, who is he? He just said, I am. Pharaoh says, nah bro, I'm good. I need to keep these people building my statues and my shrines and my pyramids. I need them to continue worshiping me. So the answer is no. Moses is like, you don't know who you're messing with.

Listen, bro, I'm going to give you an example of what's going to happen in your life. Watch this throws down a staff, turns it to a snake. I'd be out. Take 'em. You know what Pharaoh said? I got magicians that can do that. So he brings magicians. They do the same thing. Now, side note, imagine what's going through Moses' head at this point. Oh my God, I have mercy. I just got got. By God. They turn the snakes and then he's relieved when his snake is eating up their snakes, he's like, yes, thank you. I need you to show up a little bigger. God, that was nerve wracking. So pharaohs magicians, they work a miracle and it looks like the same thing, but it isn't the same thing. Why? Because Moses is operating out of humility, and when you operate out of humility, miracles are about God. When you operate out of pride and narcissism, they may look like miracles, but guess what? They get? They get ate up by the truth. How do you know somebody's narcissist? Their stuff don't work. That was a bomb. Y'all, their stuff don't work. It has no lasting power. Didn't Paul say that? Don't even fool these folks. Why? Because there's coming a time where their folly will be in plain sight of all.

You know how I'm at the majesty? Like, check this. No staff. After that, then comes another miracle. The water turning into blood. Well, guess what? The magicians were able to do that too. Now, here's what's interesting about a narcissist. This is what we see with Pharaoh. Pharaoh, the Bible says his heart was hardened. That's what a real narc. The heart is hardened. So much so that when God was sending the plagues to Egypt, guess who was being affected by it? Everybody. Pharaoh refuses to let the children of Israel go even though it's harming his own people. Narcissists do not care what damage is done to you as long as they think they're right. You know how many pastors will let harm come to the sheep and will not address it because they're too prideful and they're too narcissistic to admit that they're wrong? So people will have church hurt and religious trauma and walk away from the Lord. All the while the pastor's like, no, I'm alright, nark, your time is coming. That's what the scripture says. Okay, so that's Pharaoh, and then all throughout scripture you see other individuals that have the same type of narcissistic tendencies. Saul,

Jezebel, Satan, Abel, all throughout the scripture you're going to find a lot of examples of narcissists. So how do you go to the scripture and say, man, how do we line up what the Bible says about narcissist and what the therapeutic community says about it? Well, I want to give you some parallels. I want to go back to our scripture in two Timothy chapter three, and I want to show you how that Paul doesn't necessarily say the word for verbatim narcissist, but every description that he gives of the individuals who will appear at the last days lines up with narcissists. Check this out. First of all, Paul says they will be lovers of themselves according to the descriptions of a narcissist in the therapeutic community, a narc that form a self-image that they project to you because they hate themselves, but they love the version that they've created for themselves. And what they want you to do is worship the image that they've created for themselves that they love. They want you to love at the exact same. The primary concern of a narcissist is themselves and they will build statues to themselves and they will have shrines to themselves and they dare you not to worship it, and at the moment that you don't worship the image that they have created, they cut you off.

Here's number two, what Paul says, he says, they will be lovers of money or covetous. Now, there's nothing wrong with being wealthy or having nice things. Nothing wrong with I pray the Lord blesses you abundantly. Hey, if you leave out of here tomorrow and you get blessed with $30 million, let it be done. There's also a couple of things we'd love to do around here. Data. Remember, you're coming up with the Lord. In all seriousness, I do. I pray for you as an individual. I pray for people in this church that are watching. I pray that God continues to open up the windows of heaven and pour out on you. The problem comes when you are seeking after money and possessions as a form of creating value for yourself that you want people to worship so they compliment your house, but really you take that as a, here's how you know you may be covetous. If you get something nice and nobody compliments you about it and you get mad at them. Maybe we didn't see that you got a new pair of jeans. My bad. I better move on. Number three, Paul says, they will be bolsters narcs, project superiority and supreme self-confidence. Even if it's false, they will be bolsters of. They constantly are bragging about themselves. Look what I have, look what I've done. Look who I am. Look who I was around. If they're constantly name dropping

And they don't know the person, especially if they don't know the person, stop doing that. Somebody's going to call you out on it. I had a preacher tell me one time that they intimately knew this professional sports player and he's a very prominent person and they were talking about, oh, he's a great guy, love him, all these things. Now, it just so happened that I actually know the person because we work out at the same gym. So I said, I'm going to test this. So the next time I went in the gym and this professional sports player was there, I'm not going to drop his name. I don't want to be a name dropper. I said, yo, bro. Hey man, do you know such and such? He's like, I don't think so. Who is he? I said, well, he's a preacher. He says, he knows you really well. He's like, nah, I don't sound familiar. I said, my man was lying. But the reason why this preacher said it is because he was in a room of other preachers where several of them were fans of that team. He didn't know the person, but he was lying. He was a bolster. Now, there's some deeper issues, obviously, right? But how many people have we met that maybe have taken a picture of a celebrity and then been like, yeah, man, me and Justin Bieber go way back.

Okay, S number four, proud. The foundation of narcissism is pride. Narcissism is built on pride, and pride is the elevation of self above God. Pharaoh was proud, Abel was proud, Saul was proud. Guess what other group of people were one of the most proud? The Pharisees and Jesus dealt with narcs all the time. I've totally changed the meaning of narcs for you guys. Number five, Paul says blasphemers. Now we always think about blaspheming as like inable sin, but here's where the definition of blasphemy is. One who commits blasphemy is a person who mocks or derives a deity or religion or claims to be God. Here's what's interesting about people who are narcissists. Very few people claim to be God. Now, there are some out there, they claim to be God. They're way out there, but most individuals will not claim to be God, but guess what? They have God-like expectations from people. They're not bold enough to say, I'm God, but they'll treat you like they are. God, this happens oftentimes in marriages. Oh Lord, if the person will not receive a word from you about anything, they think themselves as God. God I know of situations where in a husband and wife relationship, the wife can't even suggest a restaurant

Without the husband feeling disrespected. It's just Applebee's or Chili's. There ain't much of a difference. We always eat barbecue. Could we eat some rice? Rice? I just feel like you're disrespecting me. She wanted rice, but when you start thinking so much of yourself, you take anything that is opposed to your opinion, you take that as a threat to your kingdom.

Disobedient to parents. Paul says, this is a sign of a narcissist is there Now, when you look through the list, you kind of go, why would this be in the list of everything else? Covet, chest, blasphemes. Why is there disobedient to parents? Well, it's because when you realize the position that parents hold in your life, the very first position of authority in your life are parents and how you learn, earn to communicate and view and see your first authority figures will determine a lot about how you go on with life If you don't learn how to respect your parents, if they're doing right, I know there's sometimes parents ain't doing right. It's hard to respect them, and guess what? You're not owed them respect if they circumvent the responsibility as parents. Side note. But if you don't learn how to respect your parents as the first form of authority, you'll take that culture with you everywhere. Now you're at a job, and it's not that you don't have the skillset, you just can't stay at a job because you can't stand authority. You know how many people I know have walked away from jobs, not because the job didn't pay them well, not because it wasn't a good job, they just didn't like the boss, but they have no other prospects for jobs lined up and this is the excuse to use. I just felt like God was telling me to move on.

Come to find out, the boss said, dig a hole right here. And you said, well, I think I should dig a hole here. And the boss said, well, I'm paying you to dig a hole here. I just don't feel like they respected me. They didn't pay you to dig a hole there. They pay you to dig a hole here. People who have narcissistic tendencies don't like authority. Only God could judge me. Alright? Number seven, unthankful narcs live with a perpetual cycle of not enough, always wanting more, always needing something else. Even when you're kind enough to give them something they don't deserve, they don't feel like they've gotten enough. You can walk up to somebody. There's some people you can give 'em a thousand dollars and they're wondering why it wasn't. Two, we have to learn how to be thankful. Think about the first known narcissist, Satan. He wasn't thankful to be in the presence of God. He wanted to be God.

Right? Think about this. You're in the very presence of God, but you would rather be God, so you lose the position. You had to be in the presence of God. You were willing to sacrifice being in the presence of God because you were unthankful to be there and you wanted more. Yikes. Paul continues to go. What we see through scripture is that narcissism is not of God. Narcissistic behavior is not of God. And Paul says that there will be an increase of this in the last days. Have you ever wondered when the last days are is right now since the ascension of Christ we've been living in the last days. The last days are the days when we are waiting for Christ's return. Paul and the rest of the apostles in the first century believed that they were in the last days. They believed that Christ was coming any moment, and that was 2000 years ago, which means that we are still in the last days. But here's the thing. There is an increase of narcissism and narcissistic behavior, and guess what? We are creating more opportunities for people to become more narcissistic. So the question is how do you handle a narc?

I'm glad you asked. I want to give you some strategies on how to handle a narc from the example of Jesus. Jesus dealt with the Pharisees all the time, and the Pharisees were very narcissistic. They constantly were concerned about how they looked and what they did, and Jesus would even say, Hey man, y'all are sitting here with your sad faces. So people are asking you if you're fasting, straighten your face, you stand up and you pray loudly. Oh God, thankfully I'm not like him. Because you're worried about your image, you're worried about who you are, and what narcissists always do oftentimes is they try to bait you into conversations that are unfruitful to make it more about them. They try to bait you into conversations where they can elevate their own shine. Let's look at how Jesus handled narcissists. Number one, ignore them. You know what? A narcissist can't stand being ignored. They literally cannot stand not having an audience. The only power that a narcissist has is an audience. Here's what's interesting. A codependent is someone who idol makes an idol out of a relationship. A narcissist is someone who makes an idol of themselves. Oftentimes, a narcissist is drawn to a codependent

Because they love the affirmation and praise and accolades that they get from this codependent person and this codependent person is getting to feel like they have somebody in their life, so they keep giving it. And there's this messed up relationship that happens between narcissists and codependence where it's a perpetual cycle of goofiness. I couldn't think of any other word.

Let's look at Matthew chapter nine. Let's look at what Jesus did. Matthew chapter nine, verse number 10, and as Jesus reclined at the table in the house, when you recline, you're doing what you're relaxing. So Jesus probably been out there doing ministry. He's just trying to chill. Jesus comes in the house, he reclines the table in the house. Behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclined with Jesus and his disciples. So Jesus is sitting there, he's trying to chill and relax. His disciples are there. Tax collectors and sinners are rolling up to sit with Jesus. Now they know what Jesus is all about, okay? So they're coming to be with Jesus. And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, first of all, why didn't they say it to him? That's what narks be doing too, trying to get around you to somebody else to question you instead of just coming to you. Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners? But when he heard it, he said, those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick, go and learn what that means.

One of the best ways to handle an art, tell 'em to go educate themselves. Go educate yourself. I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I came not to call the righteous but sinners. The only power that a narcissist has is an audience. And when you remove an audience to have no power, so let's say you're in a marriage where you're like, man, I think my spouse is a narcissist. Give 'em some talk to the hands. Don't give 'em an audience and see what happens. They start flipping tables and smashing stuff. They're a narc, and then it's probably revealing some abusive behavior and you got some decisions to make. Here's the thing, refuse to get sucked into the narc vortex. I just made up a phrase and it sounds amazing. Refuse to give a narcissist an audience. Pharaoh wanted an audience. Magicians, come here, show our magic tricks. Your magic tricks got ate up, and when they get up, you have no power because you have no audience, so ignore them. Here's the second way that Jesus handled narcissist. Look at Matthew chapter 23, verse 25, woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, narcs, hypocrites for you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside there are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee first clean the inside of the cup and the plate that the outside also may be clean. Narcissist love to appear

Perfect and grandiose. While inwardly, they may be awful people, they love the appearance. They project this image because they want accolades and they want you to tell 'em that they're great and inwardly they ain't got it right. Jesus dealt with the heart of the issue. Jesus said, Hey, listen, y'all look great. Y'all have all the externals figured out, but you're a hypocrite. Why? Because the inside ain't matching the outside. It's like seeing a beautiful car and the inside is crummy,

Right? Jesus said, you do well to clean out the inside first and then the outside. Why? Because a narcissist has it backwards. Here's the thing, you got to make sure that your soul is right. Why are we talking about, do you mind? Why are we doing this series? Because it's not just about behavior modification. It's not just about you appearing to be a Christian, you appearing to be in love with God, you appearing to be a worshiper, you appearing to be in prayer, you appearing to, it's about what's happening on the inside because if the inside is right, it'll produce all those things on the outside. We want your mind so that you can live in complete freedom. If you don't, you will always project a false image. Why? Because you want to be praised for your external performance. This happened, our middle son, he started playing soccer and he was doing an amazing job. His first game, he made like five goals and none of the other kids matched that. What just happened? I dunno. He did an amazing job. Now he gets to the end and guess what? They got a little medal and the coach is talking about how great they did and stuff like that, and he knows, man, I scored five. This is mine for sure. You could tell he had a smile on his face. He was just waiting with eager anticipation and the coach gets to the very end and he says, alright, then today for the player of the game we want to give it to, and it was someone else

Who made one goal. Zion looked at the coach face, completely changed, looked over at me, looked back at the coach. He's like, I'm not a math whiz, but the math ain't math. He looks back at me and he says, dad, why does he get the medal? When I scored five and he scored one, and I said, we'll talk

About it later,

And I had to pull him aside and I had to have a conversation with him. I said, son, here's the thing. I love the fact that you expect to get a medal because you made all the goals and we're proud of you for scoring and doing a great job, but we are more concerned with your internal character of also celebrating others even though they may not perform at the same level. Why? Because if you don't learn how to celebrate others, even though they're not on the same performance scale, you will develop an attitude that thinks that you should always get a trophy. Not everybody wins, number one. Sometimes you got to celebrate somebody else, but it's a character flaw, right? So for us, we want to work on the inside. Hey, make sure that your heart is right. We'll go to Hobby Lobby and get you another medal that's way bigger, bro, don't worry. But we want to make sure that the inside is good so that you don't base your worth and value on whether or not you got a medal. You did a great job, you made five goals, but that medal ain't the thing that validates you,

Your father and your mother validates you. Did you know? Even if you don't get the medal, if you did a great job and you stay true to character and you have integrity, your heavenly Father will validate you even when nobody else does, find your worth and value in what God says about you. And guess what? While everybody else is celebrating that little coin, we went and had yogurt. Here's number three. Here's establish clear boundaries. That's how you handle anarch. Establish clear boundaries. I'm not talking about some fuzzy boundary that's like, well, if you do this, then maybe I'll, because narcissists always cross the boundary. Here's a boundary. If you do this again, this will happen When they do it again, let that happen. If you talk to me like this again, I'm walking out, can I get an amen?

Amen.

You do this again, this is the reaction you're going to get. If they do it again and you don't, they're going to be like, ha ha, and they're going to try it again and you're going to keep moving your boundary line. No. You got to have a clear boundary. You do that again, and this what's going to happen when they do that again? Let it happen. I ain't going to let you talk to me that way. Well, I told you I wasn't going to let you talk to me that way. Headphones in, click. Look at what two Timothy three, five said. After Paul goes through and gives the list of, Hey, these are the people that are going to increase in the last days, all the descriptions fall in line with a narcissist. He says, they having the appearance of God in this, but denying its power. Sometimes it's hard to tell who a narcissist is. Why? Because they look right, but they ain't got no power. He said, avoid such people, avoid them, have a clear boundary. And then Paul says that these individuals that I've just described are like Janice and Jam. Now,

Most of us have not heard a large amount of teaching on Janus and Jamis may not even know who they are because literally they're not mentioned anywhere in scripture anywhere else. But if you go and you look at Jewish literature, you look at history, you'll find out and discover that Janice and Jamborees were the chief magicians employed by Pharaoh. These were the names of the individuals who matched Moses' miracles. Now, here's what's interesting. They had the aerium of miracles but no power in the miracles.

It looked like the same thing, but it couldn't hold up to the real thing because there was no power in it, and there were limits to the power they did have. Here's what's interesting. The difference between Moses, who is the most humble man on earth and Pharaoh who is a narcissist, is that Moses performed miracles on behalf of God for the purpose of freeing people. Pharaoh's magicians performed miracles on behalf of Pharaoh to keep people enslaved. How do you know the difference between a narcissist and somebody who has not? A narcissist is always going to try to keep you enslaved to worship them. So how did God handle Pharaoh, the narcissist? He said, Pharaoh, I'm going to let you get so far but that this line and you have no chance of crossing my boundary. Israel comes out of Egypt. They cross to the Red Sea. They're on the other side. Guess what this narc tried to do, crossed the boundary. The Bible says that he pursued them. Why? To keep them enslaved. So as Pharaoh's chariots are making their way across the boundary that God said, you ain't crossing, guess what happened? They get swept away, and guess what? It was impossible for Egypt to cross over the Red Sea. God demonstrated to us

That you have to set clear boundaries, with clear consequences to make sure you don't fall into the trap of a narcissist who will keep you enslaved to worship them rather than God. And sometimes the narcissist may be a family member. It may be your mom who is always making you feel guilty for making your own decisions. Well, how is that going to affect me? Mom, I'm setting a clear boundary. Maybe it's your dad who doesn't know how to let go. Set a clear boundary. What if it's your spouse? You got to talk about it. You got to sit at that kitchen table and talk about it. You may need to go to counseling. You need to talk to somebody who's mature in the faith. You need to bring it to the surface and say, Hey, yo, there's some things here that I'm seeing that are not healthy, but what if you are the one who's gotten narcissistic tendencies? What if you are the one who's been looking at everybody else and God right now is holding up a mirror and he's like, I know you preached it. I know you're saying that to others, but here's your mirror.

Are you the narc? Are you the one who can't take criticism? Are you the one who can't be under authority? Are you the one who's always agitated? When somebody doesn't give you praise and worship? Are you the individual? Could you be who I'm preaching about today? There's hope because here's what you can do. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and he will exalt you in due time. The antidote to narcissism is humility, and humility is recognizing who God says you are Accepting that label and submitting that to God to let him use you however he decides to whenever he decides to, I'm not getting enough, whatever. Have you submitted that to the Lord? Is there a reason why God may have you in this season? Maybe he's trying to teach you humility so that when you are in the position of authority, you can have the grace and the wherewithal and the humility to operate that way with other people. Oh God, believe me, this whole sermon series has been in one giant mirror for myself. Every week, Monday through Saturday, I'm looking, and Sunday I'm looking at the mirror and I'm saying, God, are there any areas of pride in my life that are getting in the way of what you want to do?

This is why we're doing this series is because we want to see ourselves the way God sees us. Guess what? God sees you as a winner and not a loser. God sees you as above and not beneath. God sees your gifts and your talents. He knows your abilities. Quit waiting and thinking that other people need to validate you. God's already validated you. Trust his timing. Trust his process. Lemme just say this, God, don't miss God. Don't miss, and there's some people here and that are watching online. You've been wondering if God, if you missed it or if God missed it, he didn't miss, there's something that he's wanting you to do that he's showing you that you need to lean into. That may be the thing that's hindering you, and it may be that you've elevated your own voice above the voice of God, and I say that lovingly, God's holding up a mirror for all of us to look and say, God, is it me? If you check it off, great. Then there may be a narc around you that you got to deal with. Do it according to the word God. Amen. Can you bow your heads and close your eyes? We're about to have a moment of worship and reflection. Now, here's my request. I ask that unless you absolutely need to, that you remain where you are

And that you just take a few minutes as Sarah sings to pause and reflect. Have a sealer moment and say, God, search my heart. Is there anything in me? Is there any pride in me? Is there any arrogance in me? Is there anything in me that is hindering me from walking in full freedom? If there is, I pray that you'd highlight it and that you would deal with it, and then I would follow your promptings. If it means I need to go talk to a counselor, I'll do that. If it means I need to talk to a trusted friend, I'll do that. If I need to talk to my spouse, I'll do that. If I need to come down for prayer, I'll do that, but take this moment here in worship and say, God, open me up and examine me.

Here's my heart, Lord. Here's my heart, Lord, here's my heart. Lord is true. Here's my heart, Lord. Here's my heart. Lord, here's my heart. Lord is true because I'm found I'm I am loved. I made pure. I have life. I can breathe. I'm healed. I free. Here's my heart, Lord. Here's my heart, Lord. Here's my heart. Lord. Speak is true because I'm found, I'm I loved. I made pure. I have life. I can breathe. I am healed. I'm free because you're strong. You're you. You're good. Always true. You are breaking through. Lord, Here’s my heart.

Thank you Lord for your word. Thank you Lord for showing us every part of our heart. God, we want to stand open before you and transparency and vulnerability. We want you to show us God, the parts of our nature, our being, our heart, God, that you want to work on, and we submit ourselves to you completely. Lord, I also, Lord, pray for those who may be in this place or watching online that have identified a person in their life that may be dealing with narcissistic tendencies and it's been harmful to them and they know they need to cut off the relationship and they're grieving the fact that they do. I pray that you'd give them peace and comfort as they grieve the loss of a relationship, but also pray that you would show them that once they are gone, they'll see the parts of the relationship which actually harmful to them, and I pray that you'll replace that with good relationships. I thank you, Lord for what you're doing in and through us in Jesus' name and everybody say, amen. Could you stand to your feet? Here's what you know. We don't ever want you to leave out of here without getting prayer. If you need it, our altar team is here. They're ready. They're waiting to pray for you. If you need prayer for anything, come up here and get prayer. Remember, this series is about rotisserie. It ain't fried chicken.

We ain't just throwing you into the grease for a few minutes. This is we are turning so that God can bake and rotisserie, I don't even know if that's word. Every part of us let put you. Let God keep you in the rotisserie thing of a jig. Let God bake every side of you, amen. So that you can be holy, holy, healed, and ready to be presented to God. So if you need prayer for anything, come down here and get a prayer. If not, we'll see you here tonight at 6:00 PM for worship. If not, then we'll see you here next week. God bless you.