Upset the Vows - Part 6

Tim Ross | March 28, 2021

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Happy Passover, Palm Sunday, God is good. I'm talking on marriage. That's all I had to say about Palm Sunday. 

So grateful that you're here, whether you're here for the first time, or this is your church if you're watching us online, and this is vitamin E, I'm so grateful you're here. I do want to give a shout-out to South Africa. There was a person on social media that put the service time on the South African standard time schedule 6:00 PM, South African time. I want to represent South Africa for all of you all that are watching. Salute. Thank you so much for making us a part of how you grow.

I just want to give a shout-out to my mommy and my daddy who are in church for the first time in over a year back on the front row like they never left. You all give it up for my mama and my daddy.

Charles and Maxine Ross back in the house.

I'm so happy.

I love you. My mama got on like a glitter bombed mask. She's just stylish for no reason. It's too good. So excited. Having them back in the house just energizes me because I got saved in their church just over 25 years ago, sitting on the back row of their church is the day I gave my life to Jesus Christ. Here it is 25 years later, they're on the front row. I'm so grateful. I love you so much mom and dad, and I honor you.

If you have your Bibles, I want you to go to the book of Ephesians 5. We are in a series called Upset the Vows. This is Part Six. I'm really excited about what God has given me as an assignment today. I will say, next week we will take a break because I got to tell you that he got up.

Spoiler alert. I got to tell you, He got up. I know you know He got up but I'm going to preach next week, and I'm going to tell you He got up, okay. Bring somebody so if they don't know, maybe the Holy Spirit will convince them He got up too, okay. It's still going to be one service, we'll have overflow available but Easter is Resurrection Sunday. It's our Super Bowl. Satan lost.

For the last 2000 years, God has been running up the score. It's pretty obnoxious. All of your lives are testaments to that. That'll be next week. Ephesians 5, if you're taking notes, and you should be taking notes because nerds rule the world. If you're taking notes, the title of this message is Help Each Other. Here's what it says in Ephesians 5:25. "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her. To make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault." That's good. Guys let's pray over the word, shall we? Holy Spirit, help us to help each other. Amen.

If you're ready to grow, say, "Let's grow."

If you're ready to grow say, "Let's grow."

Let's grow.

All right. For the eight people in here that know what Krumping is.

I was 10 seconds away from it.

I almost gave it to you but I have to control myself today. It's going to be 50 people that Google Krumping.

If there's one thing that's incredibly important for you to realize in your marital relationship is that God called your spouse to help you grow. God called your spouse to help you out. God called your spouse to help you and God called your spouse to help you for.

Now, the reason why he did this is because, if your marriage is indeed a type and shadow of Christ's love for his bride, then what Jesus has done for his church is what we should be doing for our spouse. Just in case you need the context to that, understand three things. Jesus helped us out of our past. Anybody beside me can testify that Jesus, sure enough, helped me out of my past.

The things that I was in bondage to, the things that I was addicted to, the things that had sickened me, the things that had traumatized me, the things that had bound me up, the things that had tied me down, the things that had hurt me, disappointed me, frustrated me. It wasn't counseling and a promotion on the job or a windfall of money or getting the right house or the right car that got me up and out of my past, it was nothing but the grace of Jesus that pulled me up out of my past.

25 years ago, when I gave my life to Jesus Christ, I had no idea how He was going to literally yank me out of my past so that I can enjoy a different reality than I had been experiencing my entire life up until that time.

I just got back from California yesterday, I had to bury a friend and eulogize him. He was murdered a month ago, shot once in the stomach, and once in the neck. He bled out in two minutes. I was around a lot of the people that I grew up with prior to giving my life to Jesus Christ. If you ever want to know how far you've come in your relationship with Jesus Christo, the only thing you need to do is get around some people who knew you before Jesus found you.

If you ever want a good litmus test, how far you've come, get around some people that knew you prior to Jesus finding you and they will be able to tell you how far you've come because they know all your stuff, all your business. If you really haven't been committed to a relationship, they'll call it out. They have nothing to lose. They have enough relational equity to clown you on-site if there hasn't been true heart transformation.

I got around them and here's what they said, "Bro, you have to do my funeral when I die." I've eulogized six of my friends that I grew up with prior to giving my life to Jesus Christ. Every single time there's a funeral, at least 10 people give their life to Jesus.

It happened on Friday at the end of the message after we went down memory lane and we're clowning and talking about Steven and da, da, da, da. I'm the one that gave him the street name precise that's on me. At the end of the message, I gave a call of salvation in front of his open casket and 10 people with their eyes wide open and full understanding, not succumbing to emotion but a reality of one day we will all be in that box they gave their life to Jesus understanding that He can pull you out of your past right now.

However, He found you is not the way He's going to keep you. If you get into a relationship with Jesus Christ, you will be changed from the inside out. You don't have to change your wardrobe on day one. You might not have to change your accounts on day one. You may not have to change your friend's circle on day one, but something's going to start happening on the inside that will infect the outside of everything that's around you. Do I have a witness in the room?

Jesus comes in to pull us out of our past. Second thing He comes to do is, He comes to help us in the present. He helps us out of our past, and He helps us in the present. We know that he is a very present help, that's what I heard growing up, in the time of need. It's not that He saves us, but He keeps saving us. It's not just that He healed us, but He continues to heal us. It's not that He just freed us, He continues to free us. It's not that He just pulled us, He continues to pull us. It's not that he just convicted us, He continues to convict us, He helps us presently. Right now.

He's not a savior that pulled you out and then went away and was like, "I saved you. What more do you want from me? Don't get in the water again." He saves us and He continues to save. He heals us and He continues to heal. He gives to us, and then He continues to give. He's a very present help in the time of need. He helps us in our present. How many people are presently being helped?

Presently being helped. No matter what I'm going through, He is there with me right now. Things that I did not think was coming into my life, He is helping me with those right now. Things that I stepped into that I shouldn't, He is helping me with those things right now. Life has hit me from all sides I didn't see any of it coming, but He is presently with me right now. I may not always have a word. I may not always have a clear direction, but I know He is with me.

"Though, I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me." "I'm having a hard time hearing God right now, Tim." Well, trust and believe, even if you don't hear Him, He is with you. He gave a promise that He would never leave you or forsake you. He is presently with you right now. "Well, I need Him to say something." "Sir, you see this, you see all this we're going through, are you not going to say nothing?" Sometimes God is waiting for you to run out of things to say.

Sometime He's waiting for you to shut up, so that He can speak. Sometimes it's in the silence that you start to calibrate your thinking on the season that you're in, and you don't see fall as leaves dying, you see them as them restarting.

I feel like preaching today, I don't know what. I got all my colors out tonight, my color with everything in the crayon box. He helps us in the present and He helps us in the future. Jesus helps us for our future. This is what it means to be Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end, the first and the last. This is what it means to be so sovereign that before the world began, He had you on his mind. This is what it means to speak you into existence and then wait for you to be born. To help you out of where you were, prepare you for where you are, to get you to where He wants to take you. He is Alpha and Omega, we worship you, oh, God, you are worthy to be praised.

He's at the beginning and the end, and in the middle. Doing what? Helping us for the future. He did all of this for you. Can you imagine loving your spouse so much that you help them out of the past, in the present for their future.

The sovereignty of God, the creator of all things that He would create you to save you. That He would literally speak your name into existence, knowing you would fall into a brokenness to the Adamic sin of Adam and Eve. Then turn around and save you after creating you, out of your past. Promised to be with you in your present to prepare you for an eternity and be back with Him forever. That He spoke you into existence so you could live with Him for the rest of eternity. That's what Jesus did for us.

That is the reality of which our marriages are the Type and Shadow. Here's where it gets so daunting. We get goosebumps at the sovereignty of God and the fact that He would love us so much, that He could speak us into existence and call us out of our past and help us in our present to prepare us for our future. The daunting task is now you have to do that with your spouse, who you just met in 2002. You haven't known him as long as God. You did not speak him into existence. You have no idea what's on the inside of that box.

You came down to the alter and you said, "I do," looking through the soul of a person that had baggage that you knew not of, brokenness that you could not anticipate, attitudes that you did not know would happen, pettiness that you could not have predicted.

It's just a restaurant, pick one.  It's just a burger, pick one.  It's just some fries, order some.  We have to, as spouses, in this covenant called marriage, that is a type and shadow of Christ and his bride, we are the ones that have to reflect this in the earth. This is what I want to break down in my three points. It's the same thing that we just talked about with Jesus. Now, we have to talk about it with us. This is what we need to do in order to establish more vulnerability and dependability on our spouse. We have to admit that we need their help.

I can feel the egos being destroyed right now. I can feel the pride sticking up like porcupine pricks right now. I can see the walls of defense, "I don't need no help. I'm good. She need the help. I expected her to come to the alter the last four weekends, but she didn't do it. I'm just still praying." The lady is like, "Last week, yes. Submit, full submit. You heard the preacher? You submit too."

We have this daunting task of attempting to do for each other, the rest of our lives, what Christ did for us, what a what? It all starts with us admitting that we need our spouse's help.

"Juliet, I need your help. It's not an option. I will not become everything I'm supposed to be without your help. If I don't have you, I won't look like him. I need you. Without your help, I will be rough around the edges. Without your help, I won't see clearly. Without your perspective, I will not be able to discern what God has for me. I have blind spots that I could not get to without you."

Husbands, y'all better take notes right here, I'm trying to… Wait three weeks and say exactly what I said verbatim.  Just do it on a random Tuesday and see if you're a wife don't be like, "Yes."  You're right, I need to give by, I-- I'm talking about Meth and Mary J. I don't know who you're talking about. I have three points that I need you to have. Please, write these down.

Point number one, help me out of my past. I'm going to need your help. This is as vulnerable as I can be. I've tried to be independent. I've tried to do things on my own. I got to tell the truth, at this point, I have to let you know I'm going to need some help getting out of my past. Let's be reminded of Ephesians 5:25, "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her." That's what it took to get us out of the past. He gave up his life. It was sacrificial.

You need my help. I will do whatever I need to do to help you out of your past. There some things, some trauma that I went through as a child, into my teenage years, that when I met Juliet, God was using her to help me overcome the trauma of my past. The problem was I was fighting the help that I needed because I didn't see it as help. I saw it as an interrogation. I didn't see it as help. I saw it as an investigation. "You don't trust me? Got trust issues?" I saw it as being nosy. I saw it as you think you're better than me. "You got some stuff too."

When that wall of defense is up, your spouse can't help you. Thank you, Holy Spirit. It may not be the way you wanted your help, but you better take it because the side chick don't have it. Side dude don't have it. The DM conversation don't have it. Oh boy. Ooh, Ooh. I want to walk down every aisle.

Pornography won't help you out of your past, it will keep you in your past. Contacts with your ex, your fling, your one nightstand won't help you out your past, it will keep you in your past. You have to be humble enough and vulnerable enough to walk up to your spouse and say, "I don't have any other place to go, except you. I'm going to need your help to get out of my past. It's going to be ugly. We might hit some bumps but I'm going to need your help. I'm going to need you to hold me accountable to some things."

"Since we are one, I need me outside of me looking back at me to hold me accountable on stuff that I would never bring up to myself by myself because I like it too much. I need a side of me that doesn't like what I am tempted by to tell me to leave that alone. I need me outside of me to talk back to me about me. I need help out of my path."

Point number two, help me in my present. Just, I need help presently. I know this is a daunting task. You didn't know marriage was going to be like this because you keep scrolling on Instagram and seeing the glam. It's just getting too obnoxious in 2021 and the engagement photos is like movie trailers and everybody out on vintage cars and wearing double-sided splits and the tuxes and that was just to get her to say, yes. You are setting yourself up for failure, Sir. You can't sustain all this. You rented the Bentley and a helicopter, Lord Jesus, where are y'all going to live.

Between the engagement surprise and the wedding, your $130,000 in the hole. Y'all going to live in Stop Six, in an apartment. You all going to be somewhere down in South Dallas in the unregentrified place, talking about we saving money for, you blew $130,000 to get her to say, yes, man. Is COVID. You could've got a nice little restaurant for probably $700. Nobody's in there. You missed your window, man. The venue was empty. I need help in my present. Presently, right now, Juliet helps me.

She helps me be the best me and the best me is looking like him. Here's what it says. Ephesians 5:26, "To make her Holy and clean, washed by the cleansing," cleansing means continual. Running means, I'm currently running. Laughing means I'm laughing right now. Washed by the cleansing of God's word. This is a perpetual thing that happens in the present, is that there's this cleansing that goes on through the washing of the word and so we help each other in our present by just pointing out things and having conversations.

When we get stuck in a spot, we're helping each other, we're praying for each other. We are listening to each other. We are challenging each other. We are helping our spouses presently. Took me years to start really getting control of some of the things in my past, the traumas that I went through. I thank God for the counseling I've gone to and my life coach and all of the external things, but where that's reinforced and where it's going to be accepted, embraced, and celebrated is in my marriage.

No matter what I go get externally, I come back and I process it would Juliet and that's where the accountability is and that's where the celebration is and that's where the inspection of growth is. Juliet could tell you the last, almost 22 years that we've been married, he is not the same dude I met 22 years ago. You should not be the same person. You cannot be a decade in and your spouse be looking at you like you, is there anything that's-- , like you're wearing the same shirt you did when we met. Nothing has changed. Nothing has grown. No. We help each other in the present.

Lastly, help me for the future. I need help for the future. I need help out of my past. I need help in my present, but I need help to be prepared for my future and please don't sell yourself short on future to mean a promotion, finishing college, buying the dream house, establishing the entrepreneurial business. Please don't sell yourself short. I'm talking about eternity. Juliet is helping me and I am helping her prepare for eternity with God.

God gave me a person to become one with, to help me help her help we be prepared for the future in heaven. I just want you to think about that for a minute. This is sovereign right here. I want to let this marinate for a minute.

I want you to think about, just consider for a moment that you are preparing your spouse for eternity. That whole till death do us part. Do you know what that's really about? One of us is going to go before the other unless we're both on the same plane or we get into a horrific traffic accident. One of us is going to go before the other. I want to make sure that if you go before me, can I say before God, "I helped her get to you. I prepared her to meet you. I did not get in your way, sir. I did not become a stumbling block to her. I did not hurt her intentionally. I did not manipulate her. I did not abuse her, I prepared her for her future with you." I will cry tears of sadness on this side but I know she will laugh with gladness on that side. "I prepared her to be with you." 

Here's the verse is Ephesians 5:27. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without blemish. Can you imagine that all you're doing in your marriage in preparing your spouse for the future is wiping spots off of them? "Baby, I see a blemish, you don't want to have that when you go up there. Let's wipe that off. Let's work on that. There seems to be a stain in your dress that I see. We need to get some Clorox sticks and rub that on that area. We may need to wash that three times or use something organic but we got to get that spot out because you don't need to have that when you get home."

You think your spouse is bugging you. You think that that spouse is bad-mouthing you. They're trying to help you. Now granted, some people don't know how to help. Before we get out of here, let me just clear some stuff up right now. Some of y'all have thought you've been helping and you haven't because if it's not based on this blueprint that I just showed you in Ephesians, 5:25, 26, and 27 maybe you thought you were helping but you were just hurting. "I'm trying to help," but you're step it on them. Just-

Let me say, when you have this context gives you an understanding of what that help looks like. It has to be what you sense in the spirit, what you see in the behavior, and how you communicate it to your spouse. "Hey, I need to talk to you about something. You know, I love you right? You're amazing and-," don't but them. And. "You're amazing and you have an attitude. I don't know if you know that you're really not a people person. I'm not talking about the introvert-extrovert. I'm just talking about like, yes, you're rude. We got to get that spot off of you."

"Hey, I just want to talk to you for a minute. Are you having a good day? Oh my God, your hair is so gorgeous and--"

"You might be really upset with what I'm about to say and it might land on you negatively. You probably haven't even thought about it this way. I've been watching it for a while. I've been listening. You gossip. There's nothing edifying about you sharing the information that you knew about this person with that person. You didn't say you were going to pray for them. You didn't say that you were believing God to see transformation in their heart, in their mind and their behavior. You just talked about them."

"Then the last post you put up, I don't know if you should. I think you should take that down. I just see a spot and I want to-- I'm telling you." They might get defensive, "I ain't gossiping.”

You don't have to go into a fight with them. When you feel like you're on good ground and you've submitted what you need to submit, you remember who's the head of that house? It's not you. It's not them. It's Christ. Just walk away and see if the Holy Spirit don't come in and just start tap dancing.

About two days later, when two people are submitted to the Lord, they always come back. Oh, thank you. When two people are submitted to the Lord, they always come back to each other. I'm going to say that again. When two people are submitted to the Lord, they always come back to each other. They don't go out to others, they come back to each other. If two people that are submitted to the Lord have their time quietly with the Lord and the Holy Spirit will then confirm it. Like two or three days later, because the Holy Spirit He's so gentle, and obnoxious at the same time. Gentle and obnoxious.

"You do gossip." He's like, "Ugh." I didn't want them to be rights. Oh you thought that was them pointing that out? Sometimes you listen to me but most times you need another person with skin on to hear me clearly. I hear a lot of people say, "I didn't hear God speak to you," but then four counselors told you. I'm still waiting on a word from the Lord.

It's the same thing the Jews did with Jesus. He came in the flesh. You know what they said, "We're still waiting on Him." Jesus was like, "What am I going to do?" We help each other out of the past. We help each other in the present. We help each other for the future. Listen you all, it takes work. The best marriages are marriages that work on each other. They help each other. They have learned how to have good, healthy confrontation. They do not avoid problems or issues. They have found a rhythm of communication that works for them. The quicker and sooner you establish that, the better your relationship with each other and with Christ is going to be.

My exhortation to you this weekend is help each other. My greater exhortation is ask for help, OMG. I pray for a spirit of self-awareness to flood the place so that you would be honest enough about what you know is there. If you don't know what's there, allow them to speak into it but there's some things you know you do. Ask for help. If you came out of a family that has low self-esteem and low self-worth ask for help in that area. "I don't have confidence, you need to help me out of this. I just don't have confidence in this area of my life."

You came out of trauma and it produce a coping mechanism such as pornography as it was for me or it could have been alcoholism for you or drugs or whatever, ask for help. Don't say, "I'm working on it." You've been working on it for 30 years. You say you were going to quit for 30 years and you keep going back to it. You're an addict. Say so and ask for help. "Hey, I'm an addict so I need some help in this area." I've done this with Juliet.

"I'm an addict. I got exposed to pornography when I was 12 so help me out presently. If this show has nudity, we can't watch it or I got to close my eyes you got to tell me when that scene is over. We got to fast forward through it or some way." Why should I be trying to fight this alone, I got married? You got married and now you still going to try to do it yourself? You could have DIYed by yourself.

Thank you Holy Spirit. Don't bring another person into your trauma, and then expect them to watch you go through it by yourself. Just stay single. Stop playing with people's emotions. If you don't want to change, stay by yourself.

Sometimes when the Holy Spirit's emoting out of me, I be like, "Okay. You're quite spicy today, Sir. What did I have for dinner last night?" I'm going to stop right there. I love you guys so much. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Here's what I believe. I believe that for those of you all that are married, and those of you all that are planning to be married, those you all that have a desire to be married, you're going to establish generational blessings that last for a thousand generation because of what you're doing right now. Right now.

I don't have to hide this. I don't have to raise my voice. I'm telling you what I know. Your great-grandchildren are going to be walking in blessings because of the way you've committed to do your marriage in this season of your life. They'll prosper and they will never have met you. Your great, great, great-grandchildren will have never had met you but you'll become a thing of folklore to them.

"We heard that my great, great, great grandparents, Tim and Juliet had made a decision to destroy every generational curse that was in their life by establishing a generational blessing and loving each other the way Christ loved the church. The reason why, for seven generations, we have wealth, and land and homes and promotions and favor on our life and we all got saved at the age of nine and all we know is Jesus and this Bible is because they broke a generational curse and decided to establish a generational blessing and we're just walking in it."

I want you to think about your kids. I want you to think about your kids' kids. I want you think about your kids', kids', kids', kids. I'm about to sing the blessing song and your children and our children, and our children, and our children, and our children, and our children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children, and their children. Carrie.

God, Carrie, we get it. We're blessed. We got it. When is this song over?

All right. I'm done. That's it. I'm done. I'm done. Bow your heads, I'm done. I got to stop. For real, bow your head because if you don't stop laughing I'm going to do five more minutes on that. I'm not preaching anymore. Just stand up at that point. For real, bow your heads, please. Stop laughing. Bow your heads. 

Jesus, thank you. Thank you for helping us. We need your help. We want your help. Is the reason why you got on a donkey and rode back into Jerusalem to help us out of our past, to help us in our present, to help us for our future. God, I pray for every single person. I pray for every marriage that's represented, every marriage that is going to be represented. I pray for their love for each other to turn into help for each other, out of their pasts, in their present, for their future.

God, if there's someone in here that doesn't know you as Savior and Lord, I pray that today they will simply say yes. They will simply say yes to going all-in on a relationship with you. God I pray for some people that are watching us right now whether they're in the states or watching from around the world and God, I pray that you would transform their hearts, transform their minds, transform their marriages.

I pray for people that are on the verge of divorce, to step away from it. I pray for people that have had a hard time connecting with each other communicatively. Holy Spirit, I pray that you would just ease them into conversations that used to be bitter. I pray now that they will be better. God, I thank you for everything that you are doing, in us, through us and for us, in Jesus name, Amen.

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