Hey, I'm so glad that you're here. If you're a guest with us, we want to say welcome to Embassy City Church. We pray that you feel welcomed, that you feel loved, that you feel important, and we just welcome you to the family. If you've been here once, you're automatically family. So welcome, welcome, welcome. For those that join us online, thank you so much for being with us. God's been doing some amazing things. We're in this series called Connected, and it's just been a lot of fun. And for most of you, if you've been hanging with us, we've talked about, when you talk about a relationship, relationship series, automatically, most people think we're going to be talking about romance, but we haven't done that in three weeks. And today we're not even going to do that again. Cause what we've been talking about are the foundational things that we need in order to have healthy relationships.

First thing we talked about is the necessity of us being connected to God because God gives us our identity, our boundaries, our purpose and rest. And the second week we talked about friendships, and a lot of us went and recategorized some people in our lives like Jesus did we have our confidants, our constituents, and our comrades? Then last week we talked about overcoming betrayal, and these are all things that if we're going to have healthy relationships, we need to shore these things up, right? Because if you don't have a great foundation from which to build healthy relationships, every relationship that you will get into will have some kind of strain in it. So today we're going to get into the word, but before we do, there are two things I got to make you aware of. Somebody say tonight, tonight, tonight at 6:00 PM is prayer night. And I invite you out because tonight I'm going to actually talk about prayer. I'm going to talk through what it means to pray. We're going to go through the Lord's Prayer and kind of break it down. So if you are new to prayer, this will be the perfect night to come. If you are a seasoned veteran, you wake up talking in tongues.

Yeah. So there's something out there like that. [inaudible] Wake up speaking in tongues. We need you here tonight to pray with us. It's going to be a good time. So be here tonight to join us in prayer. And then the second announcement is baptism Sunday. Come on, make some crazy noise. This is always an amazing day. It's going to be in two weeks, may the 21st. If you have not signed up to be water baptized, I encourage you to do so. Water baptism is the outward expression of an inward faith. If you've professed faith in Christ, water baptism is the ceremony. It's everybody know that you've made the decision to go all in with Jesus. So sign up. If you were baptized as a kid, I encourage you to sign up now that you're at the age of accountability, what's going on? Sign up to get water baptized. You can do that on the website. All right. Somebody say Amen. Amen. How many single folks in the house? Oh, I know y'all can make more noise than that. How many single folks in the house? How many marrieds we got? Boy. So today I'm coming for you, whether you're single or married.

Come on, I'm coming for you today. It's interesting when we talk about singleness because some people think that singleness is the lesser status to be in, but actually Paul said that singleness is a gift. But he also said that marriage is a gift. Both singleness and marriage is a gift. Yeah. It's like Rolex or Cartier. They're both nice, you know what I'm saying? They're just different. But I want to talk to some single folks in here today. Before you get into a relationship, I want you to write down and take note of what I'm talking about today. If you've been married for a while, there are some things we want to talk about that are applicable to you. So grab your bibles. Let's go to Romans chapter 12, the book of Romans, chapter 12. Any note takers in the house?

Man, I love some note takers. I love all those that don't take notes as well.

All right. Romans chapter 12, verse number one, I appeal to you, therefore brothers, and by the mercies of God to present your body is as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Now you got to get this done. First verse number one and two, because of verse number three, four, by the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has a sign for. As in one body, we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function. So we though many are one body in Christ and individually members one of another. So for the next little while I want to teach on this subject, individually secure.

Individually secure. Let's pray. We thank you so much for allowing us to be in your house. I pray that in the next few moments as we dig into your word, you would reveal your truth to us. Help us to walk out of here differently. The way we walked in. Give us ears to hear, our heart to receive and a mind to understand what the spirit would say to us. We give your name, all the praise, all the glory, and all the honor in Jesus' name. And everybody say amen. Amen. Amen. Let me ask you, how many in here have ever taken a personality test? Myers Briggs strength finders, disc, Enneagram, all types of these different personality tests. How many have ever retaken it because you didn't like the result? The first time I ever took Myers Briggs, it said that I was a debater. I didn't like that. So I retook that mug and my wife was like, you just proved that this thing is accurate. How many, like I'm an Ingram, eight. How many eights do we got in house? If you you're, yeah, come on now, make some noise if you an eight. Yeah, confident, self-assured, opinionated. I'm just telling you what they told me in the results. Isn't it amazing though how interested we are in finding out who we are?

Because fundamentally, every person wants to know three things about themselves. They want to know who they are, why they're here and where they're going. Fundamentally, everybody wants to know, who am I? Why am I here and where am I going? And as a child, when you're younger, those three things are informed by someone who is an authority figure in your life, a parent, grandparent, aunts, uncles, someone who raised you, they will tell you who you are, why you're here and where you're going. But as you get older and you come into an age where you are responsible for your own life, those questions come up again and again. And especially in a season of singleness, most single people wonder, who am I? Why am I here and where am I going? But it's not just exclusive to single folks. There's some folks who have been married for a while, 30 years later, who am I? Why am I here, Earl, and where am I going? And here's the thing though, it seems like oftentimes for most people, the answers to these questions seemed very elusive. And so what we end up doing, because the answers are elusive, we will settle for allowing someone else or something else to define for us who we are, why we're here, and where we're going. The problem though, if you live your life defined by something or someone else is you will live a life that is inauthentic, right?

And inauthenticity results in resentment, right? And when resentment takes place, this is when you hear stuff like, I never wanted to go to law school, but everyone told me. I argue all the time, or I never wanted to marry Johnny. I wanted to marry Earl. Earl is famous man, but Johnny was the most secure option. Oh, it's getting quiet. I never wanted to do that, but I did it because somebody else told me that I was supposed to do it. Listen to me. If you don't embrace your unique individuality, you will end up in conformity.

That's right.

If you don't embrace your unique individuality, you will end up in conformity. Let's talk about conformity. Conformity is the act of changing your behavior, values, or beliefs to match the behavior, values, and beliefs of those around you. If you don't embrace who you are as an individual, you will conform to whoever you are around or wherever you are around. That's good. This is why it's important to get from God, your identity, your boundaries, your purpose, and your rest. Because if it doesn't come from God, you will be in a position of where you start giving stuff away that God never intended for you to give away. And the Bible has something to say about conforming. Let's go back to Romans chapter 12, verse number one, I appeal to you, therefore, brothers, by the mercy of God to present your bodies as a living sacrifice. Come on, wholly unacceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Come on. Do not be somebody. Say conformed. Do not be conformed. The word conformed here means to give oneself a away. To make something like, another thing to assimilate, to conform means to literally take yourself apart and mold it to the shape of something else,

Right?

And Paul says, do not give yourself away in parts. Do not conform to this, to the mold of the world. Do not pull yourself apart to try to fit into the mold of the world, but be transformed. Somebody say transform. Transform. The word transform means to be or become changed in outward appearance or expression, it means to be unveiled. It means what's inside is coming out. Yes. Anybody watch the movies? The transformers? Yes. The transformers are called the transformers. Because when you look at them, they seem like one thing, but when they transform, whatever's inside starts coming out. And Paul is writing to the church. He says, I don't want you to conform to every mold, but I want you to be renewed in your mind so that your renewal of mine works its way out. And what transformation. So Paul says, I need y'all to get this figured out. Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God for you. What is good for you, what is acceptable for you, and what is perfect for you is very important that you understand the will of God. What is good for you? What is acceptable? What is perfect for you as an individual? Why? Because he's about to tell us why this is so important for. By the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think. When you don't have a grasp of your individuality, you will think of yourself wrong.

Stop posting pictures of yourself. That ain't true.

Come on.

Oh, somebody just got super uncomfortable about nobody recognizes me. When you don't understand who you are as an individual, you will generally think of yourself more highly than you should. Yeah. You will not have a grasp of who you are because you've conformed to every other mold in your life. When you conform to every mold that's around you, you lose the perception and the understanding of who you authentically are. But to think we're sober judgment, do you know what it means to be sober?

The opposite of sober is to be intoxicated. Yep. What happens when you're intoxicated? They tell me. They said, I read it in the book. I saw it on the radio. But you're intoxicated. You lose your sense of direction. You're unable to walk a straight line. You don't understand distances. You start loving people that you wouldn't ordinarily not love. You go home with people that you ain't supposed to be going home with.

You start hanging with people that you have no business hanging with. Because you're intoxicated. And Paul is saying that if you don't get this short up, you will think of yourself more highly than you ought to, and you will think intoxicated. But he says he wants you to be sober minded so you can have sober judgment, clear judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has a sign for. As in one body, we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function. You don't have the same function that I do. Come on. I don't have the same function that you do. So though many are one body in Christ and individually members one of another. Now there are two words that are used synonymously often, but they're actually very different. And the two words are individualism and individuality. If you're taking notes, you can write this down. Individualism is a set of ideologies or philosophy that elevates the self above the betterment of the group. It's the mindset, it's the ideology. It's the thought process that I am more important than anybody else. And this is a concept that's from the world.

The world will teach you above everyone else, exalt yourself. Don't let anybody rule you don't. Don't give authority to anybody that is not of God. Individualism emphasizes the idea that there is no authority in my life. No one can tell me what to do. It's like that neighbor that will not mow his yard because no one can tell him what to do. He make the whole neighborhood look raggedy because they refuse. This is personal, obviously, but they will. I'm only your why because I'm standing up for my rights.

And that's what the world will teach you is individualism. But there's another flip side of that is individuality. And individuality is the recognition that we as individuals have unique characteristics that are valuable. And this is a concept from the Bible. God created you as an individual with your own unique retina, with your own unique thumbprint, with your own everything. God designed you uniquely as you. In fact, when David was writing, he said, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God has created you as an individual. You are an individual in the kingdom of God. And this is what parlor is addressing in his letter because he is talking to the church at Rome who is misunderstanding what it means to be members in the body of Christ. And what the church at Rome was doing is they were the, at least the Corinthians, what they were doing is they were starting to get to each other and they confused unity with conformity. And they thought to come together means to be the same thing. And Paul says, no, if you lose your individuality, the body becomes funky. Yes. If the eye starts thinking that it's supposed to be an ear and the toe starts thinking it's supposed to be a finger, the body will not cooperate with itself because each member of the body is in relationship with the other members. But it only works if each member of the body, each part of the body knows their particular function and has an appreciation for what they do and what others do. If my hand starts getting upset at my foot, we got problems. If my eyes starts saying, you know what? I really want to be a mouth. I got problems. And what Paul is saying is the church, the relationship within the church becomes strained when each member of the body forgets their individuality. This is why so many marriages are in trouble and funky is because somewhere down the line, the individual members of that marriage forgot who they were created to be as an individual. Come on. And they thought that unity actually meant conformity, and then they realize, no, I didn't actually want to be conformed to this. So now we're 20 years in and everyone's like, I just made Mary fuck super uncomfortable, but you get disoriented now because you thought you were supposed to be this. You thought you were conforming to this. You thought you were because every the pastor told me,

Be real.

I'm trying. The pastor told me, my family told me. And then what ends up happening is you have these marriages, right? They come and they talk to a counselor, talk to a pastor, and then all the truth comes out. I wanted to be an it, but you wanted to marry a preacher. So I've been preaching for 25 years and I hate it. I actually didn't want to do that, but I thought I had to do this to get married to you.

Can I tell you, if you lose your individuality, this stuff will come up. This is why we have to go back to the garden. When God created Adam and he looked at Adam, he said, it is not good for man to be alone. What he didn't say is that man is not good. Come on. He created Adam as a whole, being completely himself as an individual. He didn't reduce Adam to produce eth

Say it.

God did not say, in order for you to cohabitate with another person, I have to reduce you to a certain status so I can use half of you and create half of her, and then I put you together and that you're a whole, no. God says, I have completely fully made you, and I'm going to fully, completely make her. And as two individuals, I will bring you together for, for the purpose that I have for both of y'all. Too many people think they have to reduce themselves to be in a relationship with somebody because they're half the person that they should be. I need somebody to complete me. I just feel like I'm half the man that I, no, you need to be whole man. You need to be a whole woman. Yes. Don't be re singles. Listen to me. Stop dating half people.

Yes.

When you have two people that are half coming together, you have Frankenstein, and we have so many relationships that are monstrous Frankenstein's because they've cut and sewn themselves together to try to make it work. Have you seen Frankenstein? I'm getting too personal. I'm sorry. When God took a rib from Adam and he made Eve, the scripture says that he closed up the part of Adam, he continued to let Adam be a whole person.

And he made a whole woman and he brought them together. Holy.

All right. Y'all want some word? I got you. Let's go to Genesis chapter two. Genesis chapter two, verse number 19. Now, out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and whatever the man called every living creature that was its name. Now, this takes place right after God looks at Adam in his lonely state, in his singleness, and he says, Hey, you know what? It's not good for Adam to be alone. I, he's good, but he needs a partner in this life. And so it's not good for him to be alone, but immediately God doesn't create a partner, right? God gives him identity. He gives him boundaries. He gives him purpose, he gives a rest. And in this process, right, God looks at Adam and says, listen, you're a whole man and I like you this way, and I'm going to bring you someone to be in partnership with you. But before I do, I'm going to give you a particular assignment. And I want to see what you do with your assignment in your season of singleness.

Where's my apron? I'm cooking again. Apr. I should have brought an apron. What you do with your assignment and your season of singleness is an indicator of what you would do in your season of marriage. If you lazy as a single person, you will be a lazy person in marriage. If you're a player, as a single person, you will be a player in marriage.

If you can't sit down, but you got to be out every weekend as a single person, you won't be able to sit down and stay at home for a little bit as a married person. And what happens is too many people ignore their assignment because they're so desperate to be in a relationship. I've wondered this question. What would've happened if Adam got the assignment from God and said, God, I will do what you've asked me to do, but I'm lonely. So if you bring me a partner, I'll do what you've asked me to do. How many people will delay what God wants to bring them? Because they will not work the assignment God's given them. Too many people want relationships on as a payday loan. Too many people treat God like he's a relationship payday loan type of person. If you give me the relationship, I will work to earn it back. And God says, no, before I bring you, Eve, I'm going to sit back to see what you going to do, what I gave you.

Right?

Before I create, I want to know, can you handle the assignment? Do you understand the assignment? Because if you don't, you will get married and you will put pressure on Eve to help you with what you were supposed to be doing. And too many people get in relationships and they put pressure on their spouse or their girlfriend or boyfriend. Hey, I need you to help me fulfill my calling. Wait a minute, that's your calling.

What were you doing before we met? If Adam didn't start doing his assignment, what was Eve going to partnering with? What are you partnering with? If you ain't handling business, what can I partner with you? If you're not done, you got to handle the assignment.

And God does this in a season of singleness now, and I'm still talking to marrieds and singles because what ends up happening is a lot of people will get married not having this figured out, and then they come to this aha moment like, wait a minute, what am I doing?

It's never too late to find your assignment. Right?

Hold on. It is going to be some uncomfortable rides home. So I want to help you with three things. How to live individually secure. If you're taking notes, how to live individually secure. Number one, know your worth. Know if you don't know your worth, somebody will appraise you. If you don't know what you are worth, somebody will appraise you based on their criteria. If I have something that I don't know the worth of, and I take it to one appraiser, they're going to give me a price based on their criteria, but now I can take it to another spot and they're going to give me a price based on their criteria. It's going to be a different price. And here's the problem. If you don't know what you're worth, you will settle for less than you're worth. Well, I don't know if I'm worth a hundred, but yeah, I'll go ahead. And so many people are giving themselves away because they don't know their own worth. God has created you as an individual with worth. Know what you are, worth your gifts. Know your talents. Know your abilities. Know what you have, what God has gifted you with. If you don't know it, then somebody else would just ascribe to you what they think you are worth. And it's usually less than what they're worth because they want a deal.

Oh Lord, know your worth. When God speaks to Adam before he creates E, he tells Adam, you're created creating my in my image and my likeness. I've given you a particular assignment. I'm creating you as an individual, and I want you to know what you're worth before you enter into this romantic relationship. If you don't know what you're worth, it will complicate the situation. Cause at some point, you're going to realize they got a good deal. I got a bad deal. Know what you are worth. Know what you're bringing to the table. There's nothing wrong with you knowing I'm a catch. I am a catch. Because if you don't think you're a catch.

Why would they think you're a catch? Right? Know your worth. Know that whoever comes to the relationship with you is getting a good deal. Yes. Like you, right? Right. Know that about yourself before you enter into a relationship. Oh, but I'm married. I've been married for 35 years. Get a reappraisal on yourself. Go back and be like, wait a minute. What am I worth? And this relationship, I better go to point number two. Point number two, know your assignment. Yes. Know your assignment. Let me ask you this. What has God called you to do now?

Now later? What has God called you to do now, right? In your season of singleness? The question is, what has God caused you to do now? Now, I hear this all the time. No, my calling in life is to be a wife. Okay, I hear you. But if you're still single, you need to ask God what he wants you to do. Now, what is your assignment now? Right? Don't wait for Mr. Wright work while you wait for Mr. Wright.

Hey man. Yeah. My dream is to be a father. My dream is to be a husband and leave my family. Hey man, you're going to increase these checks fam, right? If you are going to provide for your family, you got to provide for yourself first. Well, my mom still covers my insurance and my phone Bill, you know what I'm trying to get established, man. My calendar is to be a husband and a father. Fam. What? What's your assignment right now? Know your assignment and work the assignment. God did not provide Eve for Adam until he worked his assignment. Come on, work your assignment. Know what God's called you to do. Here's point number three. Oh, this is the hardest one right here. Relax so many singles.

I just need to be married my age, Lord, I understand that.

Relax. Notice what God does to Adam. He says, Adam, I want you to work. I want you to name these animals. Adam is busy naming the animals. And while he's doing that, God's like, all right, now is the time. So God puts a deep sleep on Adam, and while he is sleeping, God creates eve. Here's what's interesting. The first recorded instance of rest is actually not on the seventh day. The seventh day is considered the Sabbath. Sabbath means to rest from work, right? Isn't it interesting that before Adam rests from work on the seventh day, he rests in work on the sixth day before you can arrest from singleness. Can you rest in singleness?

Can you just relax as a single person while you wait on the Lord? Well, the Lord ain't working. I don't understand the sovereignty of God and his timing. I'd be lying if I stood up here and told you if you do this, this and this, a hundred percent guaranteed. But if I could do that, I'd be rich right now. I can't tell you that. But what I can tell you is that if you trust the Lord, yeah, you will rest in what he's given you to do right now. And then when the season is right and the timing is right, he will bring the right person to you. And it may be a very different person that you had in mind.

Well, I only do black hair curly, no facial hair, not my thing. And so many people can walk past the right person.

Because they've created this caricature of what they think they want, regardless of what God wants for them. I want this race. I want this type of job. I want this type of income. I want da da, relax. Take it easy. Cause when you relax, God is producing for you the right one. While you're busy working and resting, God is busy creating. And when the time is right, you will meet. It could be a church, it could be online, it could be in the mall, it food court, but relax. The main point is that you have to be secure as an individual. Be secure in what God has called you to do. Be secure in who God has created you to be. I'm talking to singles and marrieds because the greatest, one of the scriptures that is probably misrepresented the most is Genesis chapter two, verse number 20 40, 20 24, Genesis 2 24. The Bible says that the husband and wife leave wherever they are and they come and they become one flesh. And so many people think that means that you reduce yourself in your individuality to become one person. If God wanted Adam and Eve to be a singular person than when he created them, he would've created siese twins.

He would've just put one body with two heads. The fact that God created one whole human being and another whole human being and brought them together, that's the picture of relationship. One whole individual with another whole individual, not half of an individual, not three quarters of an individual. One whole person. One whole person. The problem is most of us make concessions because we think the Bible is saying something that it actually is not. One. Flesh means unity. And in that particular instance is also talking about sexuality, right? Husband and wife coming together in sexual union becoming one flesh. What does that mean? It they produce one flesh together. Does that make sense? Yes. Who are you? Why are you here? And where are you going? We all will be confronted with these three questions. Don't wait on somebody else to define that for you. Go to the Lord and say, God, in my season of singleness, show me. Who am I? Why am I here, and where am I going? And it won't be crystal clear, but you should have a good idea that you are a person who joins another person and you honor each other as individuals. Well, I've been married for 36 years

And I feel like I've lost myself. That's the case many times. It's never too late to have that conversation with each other. Who am I? Why am I here and where am I going? Who are you? Why are you here, and where are you going? And together, who are we? Why are we here, and where are we going? Don't cannibalize each other. Know your worth.

Know your assignment and take a chill pill, figuratively. Some of y'all say what a pastor says. I mean, I believe if you do this, it's going to help you have a great relationship. I believe if you do this, you will be light yours ahead. I believe if you do this, first of all, I think it's the will of God, but if you do this, you will set yourself on the right trajectory for what God has for you and for the person that God has for you. Now, some may be in here and you're like, I don't want to get married. That's fine. You still need to know your worth. Yeah. You still need to know your assignment. That's right. And you still need to relax. Somebody say, relax,

Relax, relax.

God's got this.

God's got this.

Dear Lord, we thank you so much that you've created us uniquely as individuals. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are molded and shaped by your hands, not after the pattern of someone else, but after the pattern of what you have designed us to be. Help us to embrace our uniqueness. Help us to be secure as individuals. Help us to be transformed and not conformed. I pray, Lord Jesus, that if there are marriages here where the two have lost themselves, I pray God that you would begin to just show them

Who they are as individuals and let that be done in a God-fearing way that honors you. If there are singles in here that are wanting to get buried, I pray that they would know their worth, that they would know their assignment, that they would relax, give them supernatural rest in you and trust in you knowing that you are molding and shaping and creating the person that's meant for them. God, above all, we just trust you. We just trust you. We put our confidence in you. We put our trust in you. Do what only you can do. God move as only you can move, we give your name, the praise, the glory, and the honor because you are worthy of it in Jesus' name, and everybody say amen. Amen.