Upset the Vows - Part 1

Tim Ross | February 21, 2021

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Hi, everybody that's watching online. I love you so much. Whether you are a part of our church and have made the decision to stay home, or we are your vitamin E. We are that other church for you. I am so grateful that you have chosen to be with us today. Always, we have shout outs. I only have one that I want to read today because this one was really, really special. It's a little bit longer, but I think it will bless you. "Thank you for doing what you do," is how they start off. "We haven't met, but I have watched all of your sermons from Embassy, Gateway and all the guest appearances you've made at other churches that post their videos multiple times. That's a lot.

When I started watching, I didn't understand anything about the Bible, but now it's the only thing I read. Your stories, explanations, and analogies, make it so clear that even a person who grew up in a devout atheist family could understand. Now, that I understand, I'm forever grateful as my world has been turned upside down." You in here. You really be in here. If you've got that language, "I used to think it was ridiculous at the beginning of 2020, when you would make altar calls to an empty room and would explore your audience and exhort your audience to receive Jesus. I'm sure in the beginning, you might have felt it was a little weird too.

The odd thing was that after watching Prepare For More Part 6 in December, it finally clicked. I finally understood how and why to accept Jesus. At the end, you made the same call to an almost empty room, and as ridiculous as it was, I had to give my life to Jesus at that moment.

God gave me a word to live differently. I gave all my money to help God's people. I gave anything remaining in my bank account to the Embassy City, and I am closing the account. I'm moving to a new country in a new path. It's okay. I don't need money anymore. I have found God's grace to be more than sufficient, many blessings to you, your family, and all the people that make Embassy City possible." That is a blessing right there.

All right. So if y'all don't know, we are starting a new series this weekend called Upset The Vows. For the next nine weeks, say it with me nine weeks, not eight, nine, seven, not six, nine. Nine weeks. For the next nine weeks. We are going to be talking about marriage. That's how much God has shown me in the-- If you are married, I just want you to know that whether your marriage is in a really great place or you think it's in a really bad place, you have a 100% chance of succeeding at marriage if you are submitted to God in your marriage. Yeah. If you came in here with a little bit of trepidation or you come in here thinking like, "Oh, I'm crossing my fingers. I hope you really get my wife. I hope you really get my husband."

Change your perspective just a little and hope that God really gets you because if God can get through to you, He can get through to your spouse. If you are dating, you will be helped by this series. Although, I won't be talking about dating. Me talking about marriage will give you enough information to take notes on and get your life right. If you are single and you want to be married, I promise you there's another content in here to make you and help you find the spouse that God has for you. If you've been married and you are now divorced, there's hope for you because as you learn what we teach, I think God is going to give you hope again for love again.

If you never want to be married, cool. Just take all the notes for the next nine weeks and just go tell all your married friends how to live because it'd be coming from the Bible and not simply a lack of experience. I want to dive right into this first message. If you're taking notes, the title of this first message, week number one, is what's your secret. What's your secret? Now, I don't know about you, but if you've been around anybody that's been married for any length of time. If they seem happy and they have a lot of years into their marriage oftentimes you'll want to ask, "What's your secret? What's your secret to being happily married for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years."

Last night I was on Instagram Live, there was a lady on there that had been married for 50 years. "What's the secret?" They'll tell you why, "We hold hands every day, and we take a walk. We have grits every morning with three slices of pork bacon. That's the secret to our marriage. We never go to bed, mad at each other. That's the secret to our marriage. We're quick to apologize. That's the secret to our marriage. We stay away from each other. That's the secret to our marriage. I barely even see this person. Therefore, when I do, I'm so glad that they're back before they leave again. That's the secret to our marriage."

I want you to know that there is a secret to marriage, and it's not just for the individual who has decided to get married and what they do in their relationship, there's actually a bigger, even broader secret to marriage that was put there by God Himself. To lay the foundation for everything else we're going to talk about, we need to know what the secret of marriage is because if we don't know what the secret of marriage is, we will never be able to share it with anyone else. If you have your Bibles, I want you to go to the book of Ephesians 5. We will be in the book of Ephesians a lot. In the book of Ephesians 5, starting at the 31st verse, you will find these words.

This is Paul writing, as the Scriptures say, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. This is a great mystery. It is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. Keep it up, I need to say that again. This is a great mystery. Another word for mystery is secret. This is the great secret. The great secret is that it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. If you want to know what the secret of marriage is, not the secret just to your marriage, but the secret of marriage period. The secret of marriage is that it is an illustration of the way Christ and His bride are one.

Let me give you some bullets that I want you to write down, and then I got three points that I want you to write down. Let's get the bullets first. Starting with this one. The Bible starts with the marriage, and it ends with the marriage. If you want to know how important marriage is to God, the Bible starts with the marriage, and it ends with the marriage. After creation in Genesis 1, the moment you get to Genesis 2, by the end of Genesis 2, there is a marriage. At the end of the Bible, there is a marriage. God is very, very clear that in the beginning, alpha, I want to show you a marriage and at the end, omega, I want to show you a marriage.

Here's what it says in Genesis 22, "Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib of the man." The previous verse says that Adam was put to sleep, a rib was taken out of the man. God made a woman out of that rib. Good woman. Amen. I'm thinking about Juliet right now. He brought her to the man. The man is put to sleep, a rib is removed. He shapes, He fashions, He makes a woman, and then God brings that woman to that man. Before the end of the second chapter of Genesis, there is a wedding. There is a marriage. At the end of the Bible, it's obvious that he's talking about marriage Revelation 21:2 says this.

"As I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband." Now, why would John use this imagery? It's because the whole secret of marriage is Christ and his bride. The reason why God starts with a marriage is because you won't get the revelation of the end without a revelation of marriage. Revelation 21:9 says this. "Then one of the seven angels who held the seven bowls containing the seven last place came and said to me, 'Come with me. I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.'" Revelation 22:17 says this, "The Spirit and the bride say come."

It's obvious again that He is laying the foundation, that from the beginning to the end, the biggest revelation that God ever wanted to give anybody on the planet when it came to His love for the world was a marriage. I want you to think about right now your marriage. If you're married, raise your hand. The secret of your marriage is not you holding hands. The secret of your marriage is not going to bed mad, even though I'm glad you do all that stuff. The secret of your marriage is that you never miss a date night. The secret of your marriage is not you do 200 crunches a day to keep your six pack. The secret of your marriage is not you both do CrossFit together, and so you have torn and blown out rotator cuffs.

The secret to your marriage is that it's an illustration of Christ and His love the church. If that doesn't blow your mind, I don't have nothing else to tell you. Your marriage is meant to illustrate how much Christ loves the church that He died for. Not your date night, not how creative you are, not how good you look. It's meant to illustrate why Christ loves people so much. That begs the question why our marriage is so hard. I think that if God wanted to start with a marriage and end with a marriage, then He wanted every marriage in between that start and finish to show the revelation of Christ's love for His church.

If that's the case, I don't think Satan's very happy that your marriage could show somebody how much Jesus loves people. If every marriage in between Adam and Eve and the Christ in his bride in revelation is meant to be a picture of Jesus' love for the church, then I suppose that Satan would do anything that he could to wreck that image, so that we would never see the secret of marriage. [chuckles] If you want to know why 50% of all marriages don't work, and the 50% that do stay together, 30% are probably miserable or don't have a better option. It's because the enemy is going to target the one thing that illustrates Christ's love for the church the most, and it's marriage.

It ain't your ability to prophesize. It ain't your gift in the spirit of word of knowledge. It's not your anointing to sing. It's not the revelation you get when you teach God's word. The biggest illustration God has on the earth to show how much He loved the world is He says, "Show me a man and a woman that I put together, and I'll show you how much I love the world." Please write this down. Marriage is God's metaphor to express His love. Two ways. First to Israel, second to the church. Marriage is God's metaphor to express His love. First to Israel. That's who He went into covenant with first through one, man named Abraham. A chosen people are called out from the nations, and God makes a covenant with that man that turns into a covenant with a group of people that make up a nation.

Her name's Israel. Marriage is a metaphor to express His love, second, to the church. Jew and Gentile come together through the broken body of Christ and His shed blood on the cross to become one. Sound familiar? This is a metaphor. If you ever want to know, the Lord woke me up at 5:00 AM this morning to tell me this. If you don't like it, I got up for nothing. Marriage is God's metaphor to express His love first to Israel. I got some homework for you. For all my Bible nerds, I want you to go read Hosea, the first three chapters, when you get home. Some of my Bible, people are already like, "I already know."

If you do not know this story, I won't go into full detail. God asked a prophet in Israel to go marry a prostitute to illustrate how He felt Israel was being to Him. He said, "I want you to go marry the most promiscuous woman you can find." Biggest illustration that God has on the earth to show His love for people is marriage. He uses that as an illustration first to Israel, second to the church. Then He hit me with the good one. John 2. Jesus first miracle is where? The marriage at Cana. Not opening up a blind man's eyes, not opening up deaf ears, not raising the dead. His first miracle that He ever does is at a wedding. He shows up to a marriage to perform His first miracle.

Here's what it says in John 2. It says the first place that He did his miracle is the first place He decided to reveal His glory. Why of all places would he reveal His glory first at a wedding? Because in the end, his revelation is a marriage. The first place He shows up to do His first miracle is the very place He's going to show up when He says it's time for us to come home and live with Him forever. "You are my bride." If this is how important it is, I want you to see why marriages are so susceptible to being attacked by the enemy. He's not after you as much He's after the image and the illustration that you bear. You show me a happy marriage, and I will show you a marriage the enemy will try to destroy.

You show me a marriage that between two people are trying to get together and communicate and break it down and, "We got to figure each other out, and we'll go to counseling, we'll read books together." I will show you a marriage that the enemy's going to try to attack. The better you get at understanding this revelation, the better you get at understanding each other. The better you get at understanding why it's worth fighting for, why it's worth staying together, why it is worth every ounce of effort you have to keep the image of Christ in His church. I got more points. I got my three points now. Let me get to my three points.

I'm just so excited, I feel like I'm about to burst. The fact that I'm this contained is Jesus Himself. Because I got to pace myself. I got nine weeks, so I can't just be like [scream] throw it all up. Got to pace myself. Marriage is God's metaphor to express His love first to Israel, second to the church. Give me my next slide. Jesus explains marriage. Write that down. Jesus explains marriage. How does Jesus explain marriage? Jesus explains marriage in the revelation of what He did on the cross for mankind. If you understand this metaphor as it is being introduced to us, here's what you will find. You will find that in the old testament with Adam and Eve, Adam was supposed to cover his wife when she bit that fruit.

He did not. I will expound on this in a later message. Instead of dying for his bride, he died with his bride. Jesus comes as the second man, Adam, to do what the first man, Adam, did not. The first man, Adam, died with his bride. Christ came to die for His bride. This is why at the end, the spirit and the bride say, "Come. Y'all come up." He did it. He corrected what got broken in the beginning, and now we get to live, reconcile with God for eternity. Jesus explains marriage. Write this down. Marriage explains Jesus. [chuckles] Marriage simply explains Jesus.

Let me some things again. I got a lot to unpack over the next few weeks but I just want to say this upfront. If you do marriage right, you're going to die. [chuckles] I know you don't want to hear that. So excited for the series. Can't wait. Oh my goodness. Tell everybody. It's going to be amazing. Die. "I have to die." "What about her?" "I have to die." "What about him?" "I have to die." You're going to die. If you do this right, you're going to die. Your will is going to die. Your ways are going to die. Your attitude is going to die. Your selfishness is going to die. Your ego is going to be destroyed. Your pride is going to be decimated.

Everything that you thought you loved about you is going to come into question. Everything they loved about you to marry is what they would now hate about you and want to bury you. You're going to die. Since this is an illustration of Christ and His love for the church, you're doing it right. "I can't stand this person anymore. I feel like I'm dying." That's exactly what's supposed to happen. "Can't stand this person. They're trying to change me." You were never meant to survive marriage. You're not being changed from you to them. You're being changed from you to Him. Marriage explains Jesus. Let me give you the three ways that marriage explains Jesus, and I promise I'll stop for this week.

Three ways marriage explains Jesus. Point number one, please write this down. Marriage shows unity. Marriage shows unity in a way that no friendship could. Marriage shows unity in a way that community can't. Marriage shows unity. Here's what it says in Ephesians 5:31. As the Scriptures say, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one. Here's the thing that is absolutely amazing about the mystery, the secret of marriage, that two people actually become one person. These two people become one person because in the beginning, from one person came two people that came back together and became one person.

When you get married, you are no longer two different people. You are one person who just got two times as complicated. You barely understood yourself. Then you said I do and now you got to try to figure out you and you outside of you, looking directly at you, asking you, "Who are you? How did we get here?" Marriage shows unity. The two become one. In premarital counseling, I would always sit down with couples and after I found out some information about them, the very first thing that was shared with them is, "Hey, I just want you to know something upfront. I'm going to try to break y'all up." Their eyes would just get wide. "No, we already set a date. Don't try to break us up."

I'm like, "Nobody told you to set that date for you came in here to go to this marriage counseling. Because if I can break you up in here, it will ensure that you don't wind up getting divorce later. I'm going to bring up everything." If I find it I'm going to dance on it. I will squeeze it. I will twist it, but I want to get all these things up and out. Here's why. Because when you get married, two worlds collide and neither world is meant to survive it. Something new is supposed to come out of it. When you get really good at being married, you just become one new person. You're not even fighting over all the silly stuff anymore. You're like, "I don't even care. I just don't because she's cute, so forget it."

It took me about 12 years to get that revelation, that Juliet is just too cute to be arguing over dumb stuff. "Tim, let it go," but my pride was always, "No, no, I got to win." Somebody out here right now. We have a duel that still is not complete. Marriage shows unity. Christ shows us unity in that He wants to be one with us. He comes to live with us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He says, "I am in you. I want you to be in me. Believe it right there." The two become one. Point number two. Please write this down. Marriage shows sacrifice. Marriage explains Jesus. How does marriage explain Jesus? Marriage explains Jesus because marriage shows sacrifice.

You show me some people that are in a good marriage right now, I'll show you some people that have made a lot of sacrifices. I mean a ton. Sacrifice is a part of marriage because sacrifice is a part of Jesus. It's also going to be shown in the example that God gave us on earth to illustrate, so it comes with sacrifice. Thank you Holy Spirit. Sacrifice and compromise are not the same thing. I felt that thing. Sacrifice and compromise are not the same thing. You compromise when you are trying to keep something that you value. You sacrifice when you are trying to keep someone that you value.

Oh, that thing is stinky, if you don't write that down-- That was up here right now. That's that good old Holy Ghost right there. That is not me. I cannot take credit for that. That was good. So good, I don't even know if I can say it again. Did y'all write that down? What was it? Compromises what?

Sacrifice and compromise.

Try to keep something that you value.

Compromise when you try to keep something that you value. Sacrifice is when you are willing to keep someone that you value. Christ didn't get on the cross to compromise. All right. Okay, Lord. I know they sinned. I get it. They see it. Check this out then. I ain't got to fully die. Maybe if I just take a beating with the whips because I'll still bleed if it's about blood. Compromise means I'm trying to save something for myself. I'll give you this if I get to keep that. Sacrifice is saying, "I'm willing to bleed out to keep you. I'm willing to die to make sure that I keep us. It's so important to me that I will go away to make sure that we stay together."

Marriage shows sacrifice. Let's raise the point number three. Please write this down. Oh, let me give you the verse first. This is Ephesians 21, starting at the 21st verse, "Further submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Thank you. I'm so glad I caught this. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands and everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her.

My parents have been married for-- This year will be 47 years. May of this year, my parents will be married 47 years. May of this year, I'll be married to Juliet for 22 years. If God spares our lives and continues to give us blessings and good health, we plan to renew our vows together, the two couples, the four of us at my 25th wedding anniversary and their 50th wedding anniversary. I just think that would be sweet. Mommy and daddy, y'all keep eating your vegetables and do a lap around the house, whatever you need to do stay healthy. They'll be married 47 years this May.

My dad used to tell me something when I was in my 20s that I could not stand. He was saying, "Whatever's going on in the marriage is probably the man's fault." It's like, "Yes, sir. No, bro, I'm not going to be able to support this theory, sir. I don't know. No, sir. I respect you but that wisdom I'm going to have to object to." He goes, "No, no, no." He was like, "You show me a woman that's really, really upset in her marriage, and I'll show you a guy that hasn't died." I'm like, "Come on, man. Don't she got to die? Can't she die too. Can't I help her die?" Here's what I began to understand though. I've never met a woman who is married to a man who sacrificially loves her, who didn't respond with so much honor, respect, and love, and affection, that the marriage didn't blossom.

I realize that one statement, "Hey, husbands love your wives." "Got it, I love her." Like Christ loved the church, "Got it, I love her like the church. He gave his life for her, "Okay." That part. Sacrificial. Now, don't get me wrong that doesn't mean that wives in the marriage aren't supposed to be sacrificial. I'm just saying when the husband goes first makes it easier for her to go second. Why do we deny living a certain way once we come into a relationship with Christ? Because He denied his rights to die on the cross. The way we reciprocated as the bride is,"Since you died for us, I'll live for you."

Same thing happens in marriage. If I died of my pride, the only thing that will happen is that my marriage to Juliet gets closer. If I died of my ego, my relationship with Juliet gets stronger. If I died for my selfishness, if I died of my lust, if I died to old habits, the only thing that's going to happen is my relationship with her is going to get stronger. She's not going to look at that type of sacrifice and go "Yes, what else." You may be saying, "I feel like I'm doing all of that and it is not being noticed," just keep doing it. Growth spurts spiritually don't happen at the same time. Can you imagine if Jesus waited for you to notice before He died for you?

"When they commit to acting right I'll consider getting on this cross. The way they've been acting, I'm just not even sure they deserve it. all I'm saying is I am the son of God. I didn't do nothing wrong, they did everything wrong. I just figure make them promise they're going to live for me, then I'll die." If Jesus was as petty as some of us are in our marriages we'd still be waiting for him to shed his blood. Point number three and we out. Can you imagine this is going to happen for nine weeks? I hope we don't thin out the church. Like, "I'm sick of this." Just giving up after week five, "I have had enough, I tap out. Y'all call me back when he changes his coat."

Point number three, marriage shows love. Ephesians 5:33, "Again, I say each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." I'll be unpacking this specifically in a different sermon. Marriage shows love, marriage shows unity, marriage show sacrifice, marriage shows love. Have you ever seen somebody enjoying something or have you heard the phrase ever uttered, "Take a picture that lasts longer." Anybody ever heard that phrase? You might have enjoyed something, you might have been doing something, "Just take a picture of it it last longer." That's what marriage is.

It's God's picture over and over and over again through human history illustrating His love for his people. I know that we didn't all get into marriage understanding everything. I know we didn't all get into marriage with the handbook that showed us how to do everything right, but I'm telling you if you are submitted to God as the ultimate mediator and arbitrator of your marriage, it's going to succeed. Imagine the picture, the very last picture before Christ's return is your marriage. What would you be willing to do to make sure that that picture was the truest reflection of Christ's love for His bride? "I came from a home where my parents were married, and they came from a home where their parents were divorced."

What would you do to ensure that the picture looked right? "Listen, I got married to a white girl, and I'm a black dude, and oh--" What would you do if that picture was your marriage and it's the last picture before Christ's return? "We have cultural clashes and our in-laws is just-- Oh my goodness we don't like family reunions." What would you do if the last picture that the world got to see before Christ's return was your marriage? If that was the picture, would they see Jesus and His love for his bride? "Hey, what's your secret? You guys look so happy, what's your secret? You look sad, what's your secret? Y'all look like you're trying to figure it out, what is your secret?"

The whole secret is to illustrate Christ's love for his bride. Would you bow your heads and close your eyes? What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message? I'm so grateful that we, as a church, have opened our hearts and our heads to hear what the Holy Spirit wants to say to us about the greatest secret that God ever put in the earth. It's marriage. Whether you're in a good marriage or a bad marriage, whether you are divorced, hoping to be married, there's something that Jesus wants to speak to you about right now. You may be watching this online. You might be with your spouse right now. Maybe your spouse was passive-aggressive and decided, "Hey, I got some stuff to do this morning. I just got some errands to run, I'm not going to be able to be a part in it."

This weekend and for the next eight weeks afterward, don't make this about them. Make it about Him. I believe God wants to do something in and through every person in this room married or single. That through this revelation that He's going to give us we will be able to illustrate Christ's love better on earth. Maybe you just got the revelation that Christ's sacrificial death on the cross is why you get to have a relationship with God. Perhaps you've never given your life to Jesus, and there's something about what you've heard about marriage that lets you understand that He's been waiting for you. That you're His bride that He's waiting to see come walking down the aisle to be in a relationship with you for eternity.

That's the secret. The secret of every marriage is Christ as the groom waiting for you as His bride. If you've never given your life to Jesus before, today would be a fantastic day for you to do it. With every head bowed and every eye closed, whether you're in here or you're out there, would you be opposed to giving your life to Jesus today? Whether you're in this room or you're watching online, would you be against to giving your life to Christ today? Not just today, now. If the answer is no, what would it take for you to confess Jesus today? What would it take for you to say, "Yes, I will live my life for Jesus"?

If that's something that you want to do whether you're in this room or watching online and you say, "Yes, I'm not opposed to giving my life to Jesus. I want to give my life to Him now," would you just raise your hand wherever you are? If you're watching online, just type, "I'm in." Type, "I'm into having a relationship with Jesus today." Thank you. Holy Spirit, I'm so grateful for everything that you are doing and are going to do in and in through this season and this series. I pray that you would strengthen marriages everywhere, so that the love of Christ can be seen anywhere. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.