Peace of Mind, Week 1: Silence Isn’t Golden

Tim Ross | March 13, 2022

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Transcription

Tim Ross: If you have your Bibles, I want you to go to Psalm 94. I want to give just a context of this new series that we're starting called Peace of Mind. I want to give you the context to it because this has been a burden that I've been carrying for a long time. Here's the preface I want to give you. I feel like the last 24 months has been a pressure cooker for humanity. Everything from a pandemic, to elections, to racism, to unemployment, to staying at home and not being able to go out, to gas. Somebody felt that coming here, you're like, "You better be happy I'm here, sir."

[laughter]

Tim Ross: There's a lot of stuff that's going on. I feel like the last 24 months, it's not that none of this was going on prior, it's just that the last 24 months, it's been like a pressure cooker. I feel like this year the timer went off. As the timer went off, we're getting a revelation of how people have been managing that pressure. Some people have done good with that pressure, some people not so good with that pressure. Last 24 months, you talked to some people and they literally thrived in the last 24 months. For some people, they did not thrive, they did just the opposite. They just barely survived the last 24 months. That's all impacted our minds.

I was talking to Cobb a couple of days ago. He said something that was profound to me. Back when he was living in Atlanta, his apartment or his home got broken into. Anybody ever had your home broken into, apartment broken into, your car broken into? It's a violation. He articulated it, and he gave a context to it that I really never thought about. He said, "Man, they broke into my home and I came home. You notice the cushions were changed, and some stuff is not where you placed it. I began to walk around and I thought, "Oh my goodness, somebody broke into my house.""

He said, "Man, and the most expensive thing they stole was not my TV, it wasn't my digital systems. It wasn't any other valuables that were in the house. The most expensive thing that they stole from me was my peace of mind. I was sleeping with the lights on. The thought I had was are they going to come back? What if I was in the house? Are they still in the house?"

How many of y'all know, you can have $100 million in the bank but if you have no peace, it doesn't matter. You could have the type of car that you want to drive in the garage, in the house that you want to live in, doing the job that you love to do, but if you have no peace of mind, you have nothing. Michael Jackson was the king of pop and needed an elephant tranquilizer to get to sleep. [makes sound]

[laughter]

Tim Ross: Somebody whispered, "This ain't right." Here's a disclaimer I want to give you as we go into this series. This series is going to be a little bit heavier than a normal weekend. The whole series is, not just this message. The series is probably going to be heavy. For some of you all, this series is going to trigger you. I'm going to talk about stuff that's happened in my life. Some traumas that I've experienced, and it's going to resonate with you to the point that you're like, "I'm triggered. I need a pint of ice cream and Netflix," if you're healthy. I just want you to know that's okay. You might leave some weekends, including this weekend, feeling like I can't talk to anybody for a couple of days, because it's going to stir some stuff up in you. That's okay.

If there's any type of reaction that comes out of you, as we go through this series, I'm telling you, all the reactions are okay if you address them. Let me tell you what will not be okay, for us to go through this entire series and nothing about you change. That is not okay. I'm on assignment to address some things, that without having a word of knowledge and without having a prophetic function, I know you're dealing with it. I already know you're dealing with it, because you're breathing. We've all gone through the same two and a half years. Some of us just need some context scripturally to how we should feel. This first message that I want to preach, if you're taking notes, the title is very, very simple.

Silence isn't golden. That's the way I want to start off this whole series. Peace of mind, first message, silence isn't golden. I know that's an age old adage that a lot of people have used. In its proper context, if you were faced with telling your boss how you really felt about them, silence might be golden. If you want to keep your job, you might want to curtail your words. If you're married to someone, husband, or spouse, and they come out of the dressing room and say, "How does this look on me?" Depending on the level of relational equity you have with that person, you may want to choose your words wisely or just plead the fifth. Silence is golden.

Tim, why wouldn't silence be golden in this context? Silence is not golden if your soul can't cry out. Silence isn't golden if you cannot properly articulate how you're feeling in the season that you're in. The reason why this is so important to me is because I know so many people that over the last 24 months have not taken care of their own souls. They've taken care of everybody else except themselves. They find themselves literally hanging on by a thread because they have not articulated the issues of their heart. Psalm 94:17 says this, "Unless the Lord had helped me, I would soon have settled in the silence of the grave."

In King James' Version, which I had 30 years of, it says, "Unless the Lord had been my help, my very soul," David writes, "Would have dwelt in silence." In answering his own question, he literally says, "If God didn't help me, my soul would have literally been silent to the point that I might as well have been in the grave." I really think that the church needs to address what it is to go through seasons that are unpleasant, undesirable. In many ways, seem unfair, and still be able to say that God is good while dealing with the reality that their life right now might be bad.

The reason why Psalm 94:17 has such a connection in my life is because the first ministry that Juliette and I started back in 1999 was called Breaking the Silence Ministries, and it was based on Psalm 94:17. The reason why this ministry was so important to me at the time specifically, is because I had been sexually abused when I was eight years old by a neighbor that lived across the street from me. From eight until 19, my life was lived in silence. For 11 years, I held a secret that was traumatizing. It affected my schoolwork, it affected my interaction with my friends and family. At 19 years old, my mother literally caught me looking at pornography on their big-screen TV.

That's an embarrassing moment. I'm a guy that has very low inhibitions. From one to 100, my inhibitions are in single digits. It is hard to embarrass me because I just own what I do. That was embarrassing. Two o'clock in the morning, my mom catches me looking at pornography. You would think, "Oh, this is embarrassing. Tim this is probably the worst day of your life." It was actually the greatest night of my life because the eight-year old boy in the 19-year old body finally told mommy where it hurt. My mother, being the godly woman that she is, she was like, "Tim, what are you looking at?" I was like, "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God." I've never done the robot like I did. Oh God, oh God.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: This is old school people, this is not new age 2022 porn, this is old school VHS porn. I don't know what to do first. Cover myself, turn off the TV, I can't find a remote, this is a bad day. It's not a good look. 1995, okay? My mom goes into the room and she starts praying and I'm just like oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. I wasn't even a believer in Jesus Christ yet but I know it's the Holy Spirit that helped me that night to go into my my mom's room. When I opened the door she was actually on her face, on her knees crying. I said, "Mommy, I don't want you to think I'm nasty or a pervert," because I knew why I was looking at porn.

Let's be real about something, you know porn ain't the issue. Drink is not the issue. Getting high's not the issue. The anger's actually not the issue. These are all the ways you cope, medicate, and numb the issue, but it's not the issue. The issue is you haven't spoken up. Whatever doesn't come up and out of your mouth through words will come up and out of your body through actions.

What you don't talk about, you will act out. I knew why I was acting out, but I never felt like I had the safety to give the words to it. I remember walking into that room and saying, "Mom, I got sexually abused by John John that lived across the street when I was eight," and she is devastated. Then we get my younger brother up, he got abused by the same guy and one night, what should have been embarrassing turned into freedom.

Six months later I gave my life to Christ and I vowed that I would never live with a secret again. That's the way I was living my life until I met the beautiful Juliette. I went through another season where I kept a secret because I wanted to be her knight in shining armor, and because I wanted to be her knight in shining armor, I didn't want to tell her about this ridiculous habit that I had of pornography and masturbation.

I hid it from her until she started finding out, then I was like oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. I'm repeating history, oh God, oh God, oh God. I did it with mommy now I'm doing it with wife. Oh God, oh God, oh God. Once I got sick of that, then I was like, "I'm never going to live with a secret again," and so from then until now anything I'm going through my wife knows about it, my inner circle knows about it, and my therapists know about it.

Now I'm telling you, the stuff that I'm going to be talking about in this particular message, you will not find freedom in for yourself simply at the altar. Altar calls are amazing. They're absolutely amazing, but the best sermons that produce the best altar calls open up a can of worms and they all won't be sorted in a four-minute prayer with you coming up, [imitates crying] "What he said, yes, that's me. Can you just pray?"

The person prays and then you leave and you think, "Oh, I'm good now, I went to the altar." No. I have heard the stories of the people that go to the altar, and I'm talking about freedom happens right there at the altar. Addictions just evaporate, they're not the same people when they leave. I always want to know who prayed for you? What did they say? Did you record it? Can you pray the same thing over me?

For the best of us and the rest of us, it's going to be a process. Freedom is a process, and so you shouldn't be too hard on yourself if you start taking steps toward freedom and you find out that all of hell is coming after you. You can't give up crack now, it's been your coping. It's been your binky for this long, how you going to stop? It's like okay, I'm going to need help and support, and I'm going to have to live in the lights if I'm going to experience freedom. I cannot keep this in the dark to myself it will not work.

I want to share a story with you from David. He writes this in Psalm 39 and it's absolutely profound to me. I just want you to have context to it before I give you the points. Y'all are with me? Psalm 39:1, here's what it says. David writes, "I said to myself I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me. But as I stood there in silence not even speaking of good things, the turmoil within me grew worse. The more I thought about it, the hotter I got igniting a fire of words.

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth would be. Remind me that my days are numbered, how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you at best. Each of us is but a breath. We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth not knowing who will spend it, and so Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. Rescue me for my rebellion. Do not let fools mock me. I am silent before you. I won't say a word for my punishment is from you, but please stop striking me.

I am exhausted by the blows from your hand. When you discipline us for our sins, you consume like a moth what is precious to us. Each of us is but a breath. Hear my prayer oh Lord, listen to my cries for help. Do not ignore my tears for I am your guest. A traveler passing through, as my ancestors just were before me. Leave me alone." Does this sound like the most schizophrenic chapter you have ever read? "Leave me alone so I can smile again." You think you're going to smile without the Lord? "Leave me alone so I can smile again before I am gone and exist no more."

I know y'all like Psalm 23 a lot, but the same guy that wrote 23 wrote 39. Do you know why he wrote 39? Because he's human. [sings] I'm only human. Only about 10 of y'all know that song. [sings] Don't ask me for too much too fast, I'm only human. It's a good song. Look it up, it's a good song.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: Who's that? Jeffrey Osborne? That's who it was, sounded like that. I'm back.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: He had a human moment. If the church was just as transparent as the Bible that we read, we'd be okay, but we can't get people in church to be honest about where they are. You could never have asked David in our modern day church, "How you doing today?" Because based on where you caught him in what season he was in, he would either give you that good old Psalm 23 and you would think he's the deepest most saved person of all time, but David was so honest that if you asked him on the right day in the right season what's going on with his life, he would give you that Psalm 39. It ain't good. I'm so glad you asked. It ain't well right now.

I've been praying, you sure haven't been praying for me. I thought the Lord was with me, but obviously he's gone on to another person. I thought I had some favor, oil must have dried up on my head. He was honest about the season that he was in. If we would do the same, we would be okay. I want to give you three points to this message and then I'm done. Point number one, please write this down. Silence doesn't acknowledge negatives. Doesn't mean that they're not there, silence just won't acknowledge. Psalm 39:1, "I said to myself, I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me."

David actually thought this was a righteous move. I won't say a word. What he was really dealing with and what he wrestling with was the tension between being honest about what he was dealing with out loud or keeping it to himself. He was the mindset behind not wanting to sin in what I say and not saying the wrong thing about unbelievers. He was wrestling with the fact that if I share this with people that believe God like I do, they may think that I don't have as much faith as I should.

Can anybody beside me be honest and say that you've been going through some issues in your life at some point and you wanted to share it with your believing friends, but you didn't want them to start a counseling session with you and/or start throwing some scriptures at you that you already know?

[laughter]

Tim Ross: Anybody beside me? I wanted to share it, but then I know you were probably going to think I don't have no faith. You was probably going to be like, "Look, just trust God." I am trusting God, it's just rough out here in these streets. It's gas, it's going up, and so is my blood pressure. It's a tension and you don't want to share it with unbelievers because unbelievers be like, "See, that's why I don't go to church. It don't work." I thought you said that your God was a good, good father. I thought that's who He was, who He was, who He was. I thought that's who He was."

[laughter]

Tim Ross: The tension that David was wrestling with was, "Do I share the way I really, really feel and be misunderstood by God and man, or do I just stay silent?" Most people stay silent when they feel like they're going to be misunderstood. Most people who have tried to venture out and share something get shut down so fast they're like, "This is why I don't talk."

I'm telling you, we can no longer use the excuse that I don't have nobody I can talk to and share stuff with because they all misunderstand me. I'm going to tell you right now that your friends, I don't care how close they are to you and their confidants, the majority of your friends, if any, are not licensed counselors and/or therapist. They're just your friend. You've known them since ninth grade. They listen to you, they're like, "Girl, I get it."

[laughter]

Tim Ross: They can't diagnose nothing, they can't contextualize nothing. They just get it. You talk to your homeboy about something and you tell them like, "Man, this is just what I'm going through," guy stuff. "They're like, "Bro, I get it, man. Been there."

[laughter]

Tim Ross: That wore me up. Hang up the phone like, "Are you better?" "No, but I talked to Frankie for an hour so I'm still not better." Which is why that you're going to have to this year, starting with this series, give yourself permission to stretch out of your boundaries and get real help. Show me them screens, yo. We have a list of therapists and a list of counselors that you can connect with.

Aspen House, New Solutions Counseling Center & Trauma, Rapha Christian Counseling, which operates out of here, Embassy City Biblical Coaching, there's some books as well. How to Stop The Pain, Boundaries, It's Not Supposed to Be This Way. I'm telling you, you will not be a resident of this community and say that you have not had opportunities to become free.

[applause]

Tim Ross: I'm not going to be that pastor. Leave that stuff up for a minute for them to take pictures of. In the last 26 years that I've been a believer, 24 out of those 26 years, I have had a counselor and/or a therapist. I have a bootleg degree in psychology because of all the time that I've spent in a counselor's chair. I can psychoanalyze anybody in about 14 minutes.

I'll just let you talk about 14 minutes. You can talk about whatever you want. At the end of it, I'll be like, "They didn't have a daddy. They need a hug." I can just get it because I've done so much work on myself, I can just see it in other people. Here's the thing, most people do not do their own soul's work. Most people don't do their own soul care. They don't do their own heart work. As a result of it, they're just limping through life, trying to do the best they can.

Some of you all that have been betrayed by other people that you've shared stuff with in confidence think that, you know what? I already tried talking to somebody and they told somebody about it and it was very embarrassing. I'm not talking to somebody else. That person, I guarantee you, was not a therapist because they're bound by law not to disclose whatever you bring them. I'm going to tell you the very best thing about therapy for me. The very best thing about therapy for me is that I can go in there and verbally vomit for an hour. At the end of the time, I don't have to say, "Now, how you doing?"

[laughter]

Tim Ross: Put it back up there. I know I just gained 10 more people that are like, "Okay, now I'll do it. I will. I ain't got to check on them at all?" No, you don't have to check on them at all. You get to go in there and be like, blah. I mean, say anything, "I'm mad, I'm sick. I'm pissed. I'm hot. I'm angry." Whatever it is, at the end of it they'll be like, "Okay, I appreciate you getting that out. Now, here's what this is connected to. This is connected to the fact that you didn't have a dad.

This is connected to the fact that you were verbally abused by your mom. This is connected to the fact that you were sexually abused here. You were emotionally--" [blabbers]. Then You start going, "Is that why I'm petty? Is that why I have trust issues?" Absolutely, because when you were eight years old you didn't want to be the 30-year-old you are now. I can't wait to grow up and self-sabotage every relationship I get into, said no one in the history of ever. There are no eight-year old little girls dreaming of being in strip clubs.

Congregant: Tell them, Tim.

Tim: There are no eight-year old little boys like, "Man, I can't wait to grow up and just be in the garage smoking blunts all day."

[laughter]

Tim Ross: Because you never dealt with that child in you, that child is messing with the adult in you. You are still playing with the child's toys, on how you coped with that pain. I'm in here. Point number two, please write this down. Silence doesn't mention the good or the bad. That's the issue with silence. When your soul remains silent you don't start talking about the issues of your heart because Scripture says, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks."

When you stop talking, you don't just stop talking about the bad stuff, but you also stop talking about the good stuff too. Here's what it says in Psalm 39:2, "But as I stood there in silence, not even speaking of good things, the turmoil within me grew worse." See, here's what happens when you stop talking about the bad things that need to be talked about. At some point, you stop talking about the good things too. If you stop talking about the good things, you wind up bitter, and a bitter person because they've never talked about the bad things, they never utter anything good that's happening, and so now everything that is going on is bad or will be bad.

Congregant: Come on.

Tim: Oh my goodness, I just got a promotion on my job. Congratulations, but that's more responsibility for you. I don't know why you did that. I know they gave you a raise, but God, now you got to work a little bit harder. You got 14 people to manage. You was better off at the last position. Dang, I was happy until I talked to you. [sings melody] Oh my God, get to rise. Oh my God, they got married. 50% of the marriages end in divorce, I don't even know why they went ahead and did it. That best you got a 50-50 chance. They got married but it didn't work out.

Mama got divorced. Daddy got divorced. They probably going to get divorced too. Let me start my watch. Dang, I was so happy before. Anybody got some people like that? They're just bitter and when you see them coming you be like, "Jesus, help." Some of them you're related to and you got to see them at the reunion, or at one of the worst times, Thanksgiving. I don't see what we thankful for. Do you know how we even got to this day? You know how many people murdered to get to this day? You be like, "Oh, God. Oh my God." I'm just trying to eat this bird.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: I wasn't asking for a history lesson, I just wanted the dark meat on the-- Can you just slice the Turkey, please? Gas high. I remember when I used to be able to fill up for $20, you know what the gas is now? It was $87 for me to fill up my tank. Instead of being thankful that you had the $87, you are bitter because it's not 1996. I remember during Clinton's era, gas was 97 cent. Oh, the good old days. A person that cannot articulate bad things stops articulating good things and then everything's a bad thing. Their best day is mediocre because they see it through a warped lens because their soul has never been honest about the season they are in.

I would love to be a part of a church where somebody can walk up and when somebody says, "How are you doing?" They can just say, "Not good. I'm not good. God is, I'm not, is this a bad season right now?" "Okay, I can deal with that. That's amazing. I'm glad you said something. I'll be praying for you." "Thank you." As opposed to minimizing people's experiences by just dismissing it. "It is going to get better. You know it's going to come through again." I know all of that, but right now, I just feel a certain way. I remember when my brother died, September 17th, 2004, my younger brother, we were 17 months apart. Mom dressed us like twins until I just think the community was like, "Hey, y'all are not even fraternal."

Congregation: [laughs]

Tim Ross: I had a mama that she went back to-- she wasn't a fashion designer, but she was a provider. My mom and dad were providers. When they went shopping for us, they were like, "Get two blue shirts, two blue jeans, two white shirts, y'all put them on. This would fit you, this would fit you, let's roll." "Well, mom, I really like yellow." "I did not ask you all that. When you get some money, you can get whatever you want." My brother Miles Edward Ross died in a car accident, it was tragic. I'll talk to him about 45 minutes the night before, less than eight hours later, he was dead. I didn't have what I call a luxury to walk him down the corridor of death, say he had a disease or something like that.

I envy people that had the time to walk down the corridor of death with a loved one, be it from cancer or a brain tumor or some type of stuff, because it's completely different than somebody getting lost in an accident or being murdered and you didn't get nothing. I remember grieving heavily, but that grief opened a door for depression and I invited it in. Save, sanctified, filled with the Holy Ghost, "Come on in here because I'm still sad. Y'all can come in, I don't care." That thing went from dark to pitch black. I'm what I call an optimistic realist. I would just be a straight optimist but I've been around people too long and so I have to throw realist in there because some people just don't want to change and that's their business.

All that optimism was gone. I sank into depression. I didn't want Juliette to touch me for a certain season, which you know something had to be wrong with me if I didn't want that woman to touch me. I remember being so angry at people because I heard some of the most insensitive things. When you're grieving people try to say the right thing and they wind up saying the wrong thing, which is why it's so important that when people are grieving, the best gift you can give them is your presence. If they want words, let them ask for them, but don't just volunteer them. I heard people saying, "Was he saved?" "Yes." "Well, you'll see him again." If you don't shut your--

[laughter]

Tim Ross: I had one person tell me-- I'm healed so I can talk about this. I had one person tell me, I felt like I was getting angry just then, so I had to remind my body, we're okay. We're okay, Tim. We're okay. We're okay. We're okay. Woosah, Woosah. Somebody said, "I heard your brother died." I was like, "Yes." "I believe you're going to have a greater anointing." I said, "I was fine with the anointing I had. If I had to choose between a greater anointing or having Miles, keep the greater. I was fine with the one I had." I literally-- Oh, my babies. I will never apologize for the pitter patter of those feet. That's the next generation that's going to be sitting down here.

[applause]

Tim Ross: If you're watching online, we just heard babies run in the crowd. Just so you have context, because y'all be nosy. Get here. I'm joking.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: I was so angry with the Lord that I told him I wasn't going to preach anymore. I called him all outside his name, the Lord. I found out something about the Lord in my darkness that I would never found out in the light. God is not petty nor does he hold my tantrum against me. [baby coos] Yes, baby. Because that's the way he hears me, as a child. I couldn't be old enough for him to look at me as his peer or his equal.

I could be 67 years old. I could be 92, I'm still a child in the creator's eyes, and He was so tender with me after I told him off. Can't believe you took my brother, I cannot believe you didn't talk to me about this first. You are not fair. I'm out here preaching for you, and this is the way you treat me? I ain't never preaching for you again. He went like, "Okay, cool." No voice. That's what petty would do.

Even as I'm telling you this right now, some of you all are frozen, "Oh, I can never, I can never." You usually hit that posture because your own parents wouldn't let you have a tantrum without reminding you who the authority is. You don't talk to me that way. How dare you? That can traumatize you to the point that you start treating God the way your father treated you. I don't ever want God to yell at me or whip me or spank me so I say nothing. Instead of being honest about the season that you're in, your soul dwells in silence. I had to get all that up and out because you cannot properly leave what you do not properly grieve.

I'll say it again, you cannot properly leave what you don't properly grieve. We live in a culture right now that thinks it's a badge of honor to be able to move on. They didn't mean that much to me anyway, I don't care that that relationship is over, I don't care that that season of my life is over, I'm on to the next. I'm too blessed to be stressed. Now the next season you're in is paying the price for the last season you refused to cry about. The next relationship you're in is being penalized by the relationship you left.

You can't show up and be present in this relationship without holding them responsible for everything the last person did to you, because you didn't think that that person was worthy of your tears. You actually thought that if you cried over the person, it was a weakness, but it was actually a strength because all those tears heal your soul so that you can move on to the next level and keep them where they are

Congregation: [claps]

Tim Ross: I cried a river of tears over Miles Edward Ross because his life was worthy of those tears. I've cried a river over people and seasons that I was in that when that season was over it was worthy of me crying about because it meant something. I don't care if the relationship didn't work or they misunderstood me or they backstabbed me or they betrayed me, I still have to grieve the fact that it was so good until it wasn't. Dang, that hurt. I really liked you. I don't know why you did that.

I can't come over no more. I can't even be your friend no more. You're too toxic. I'm crying because you were so nice before I found out that you were gaslighting me every day because you're a narcissist.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: [imitates crying] That's some of the crying that y'all need to do, not this [soft sobbing]. Some of y'all need to roll over [loud cry]. That ugly [loud cry] while that tongue be vibrating in your mouth. Tonsils be shaking in the background, vibrato.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: Some of y'all need to have a good cry because some of you-- Thank you Holy Spirit. Some of y'all are repeating test that you should have been passed by now relationally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Yes, physically, because you won't open your mouth. It's being trapped inside your body and your blood pressure's up. Got hypertension, ulcers, migraines, headaches. I'm just saying some of it is connected to what you haven't talked about yet.

Point number three, silence makes our thoughts louder. Because we never talk about it outwardly, it is pounding inwardly. Psalm 39:3 , the more I thought about it, the hotter I got. Igniting a fire of words. Anybody beside me ever thought about something and the more you thought about it, the madder you got? When it first happened you let it go. Then you drove home and started rehearsing that whole conversation in your head. You was like, I can't believe it. They said something about-- I should have said-- [mumbles]

They talk about talking to me like that. You shut up. You telling me to shut it, you the one to shut up. Talking about, I don't know when to stop. You don't know when to stop. Before you know it, everything on the inside is low. "Hey, how you doing?" "Fine." Inside, [screams] low. I'm angry. I'm lowly. I'm scared. I'm confused. "Hey, everything going okay?" "Everything's fine." "The more I thought about it," David wrote, "The hotter I got." Sick of this. I'm going to leave this marriage. Of course you will, because you won't say it. You going to do it. Whatever you don't say, you going to do.

"Then it ignited," David said, "A fire of words." Why isn't silence golden? Because if it means by the time you speak all your words are filled with flames, then you've waited too long to share your heart. If the only time where it's come out of your mouth is when you are pressed into a corner, then the volcano erupts. [yells] Sick of this. Why are you yelling? I'm not yelling. Of course you don't think you're yelling. What came out of your mouth sounds as loud as what was in your head.

Everybody else is like, "I don't understand why the neighbors needed to know. What you so mad about?" Listen, I need us to be brave during this series. I need us to share some stuff that we have never shared before with people that we've never shared it with before. Whether it be a family or friend or a loved one, let me tell you something, God will give you wisdom. This is why we wanted to give you some guidance and some resources that could give you some practical tools that will help you. I guarantee you, the people that really love you can handle all of you.

You haven't lived life until you've lived it fully seen, fully known, fully heard. Not the side you let people see at the expense of the side that they need to see. Now that means that maybe the circle might change. Maybe if you decide to show up as all of you, it would be too much for them to handle but rest assured, it's not too much for someone to handle. A lot of times, the fear of if they really knew what I was going through, would they even still like me? Would they even still love me? I'm not saying that sometimes based on the character that we've played, once we take off the mask, it can be disappointing to people to find out like, "Oh, I thought that was your hair."

[laughter]

Tim Ross: Oh, man, I don't know how to-- It's unbelievable what you find out.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: I didn't know. I thought that was all yours. Do you still love me or not? I'm bald-headed up under here.

[laughter]

Tim Ross: I tried my best to achieve it. It's not going to happen. Are you okay? I got, I have male pattern baldness. I tried to have a fade. It didn't work. Tried to have a handful hair. You either going to love this up here or you not. That's a physical attribute. What about emotional? Can you handle the fact that I have a substance abuse problem? I'm not telling you to fix me. I'm telling you, can you handle it while I go fix it? Can you handle the fact that I have a porn addiction? That before I met you, the body count was high? Is that a deal-breaker? If so, let's not get married.

Let's not even date. The body counts, the body count man. I know I shouldn't have but I did. This is where I'm out here-- Listen, I'm telling you, when you get free you stop being concerned about what other people think. You like, "I sleep good at night. Why? Because I have peace of mind. Why? Because I'm no longer playing a character that I cannot sustain in real life. When people cannot be themselves, they find somewhere to be themselves. It's usually in a dark place. I'm trying to reconcile people to be one person in the light.

Good, bad, and other. This is why I love Psalm so much, because David is up one day, down the next, up one day, down the next. You do know that the dude that God said before He did anything bad, "That's a man after my own heart," also had his friend murdered so he could sleep with his wife. Dang, that's pretty gangster. God doesn't look at stuff the way we look at it. Are you telling us to go out here and wild out? No, ma'am, sir. Please listen to the whole sermon. What I'm trying to tell you is, if you want to save your soul, give your soul words. Verbal words.

Share with somebody other than God and I promise you, you will heal yourself. Silence isn't golden, speaking is. Would you bow your heads and close your eyes? What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message? My hope and my prayer is that the Holy Spirit will speak to you and through you, and He will raise issues to the surface of your heart that you need to address and deal with. You're not going to get it all done in a day but we can start somewhere. We don't have to live in silence, we don't have to live with secrets.

While everyone is not worthy to know your entire story, some people are worthy to walk with you through it all. If you would be brave enough to give yourself permission to speak about things that you said you'd go to the grave with, it would heal you in ways that you could not possibly imagine. There's a reason why there's a term called deathbed confessions, because even on a bed close to dying, no one wants to die with a secret. It's not a badge of honor, it's a trick of the enemy.

Holy Spirit, would you take my brothers and sisters, your sons and daughters, and give them permission for their souls to cry out. I come against spirit of pride and a spirit of fear that would hinder us from putting our emotions into words.